Sunday, April 27, 2008

A question..

I have a question for all y'all married folk...

Do you keep your wedding ring on ALL the time? (Or, if the answer is "Of course I do- it won't come off!"- DID you keep it on all the time in your former years?)

Here's why I ask: Jon doesn't.

Which doesn't bother me, because, well, I don't either.

Neither of us leaves the house without them, but we take them off when we get home, or at least before going to bed. Many times, one or both of us is running out the door, late, and can't find our ring...

I never really thought much of it, until yesterday when I was reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I was helping Jon prepare for some classes he's teaching by making PowerPoint presentations for a couple of the chapters (who ever said I wouldn't use my church secretarial skills...)

If you're not familiar with the premise, Chapman maintains that there are 5 basic love "languages"- Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Jon and I are both Words people, with QT being our second. It works out well.

But, by far, both of our LEAST felt languages is Gifts.

Which leads me to why I ask this question- Chapman mentions that, for people for whom Receiving Gifts is their primary Love Language, the visual symbol of keeping the ring on every waking and sleeping moment- and having their spouse do the same- is of utmost importance. For people who don't value gifts as much (obviously this doesn't mean you don't ENJOY gifts- but this is just not how you feel most loved), things like rings- while a nice symbol and something to be treasured- aren't absolutely necessary.

Do you find this to be true? Do you wear your ring all the time? Expect your spouse to wear his/hers? Where do you think Gifts would fall in your Languages?

Just curious...


jacqueline said...

When we were 1st married, I would get upset if my husband didn't wear his ring all the time. Now I get upset because he does, as he works on farm equipment and in construction.
I guess I began to value the person more than the symbol.

His Servant said...

I have had my ring on my finger for 19 years and 344 days. I have rarely removed it from my finger. Joanne wears it almost always. Although she doesn't sleep with it and occasionally removes it while working around the house. I notice when she doesn't wear it. Sometimes she does forget to put it back on when leaving the house and I notice. The reason I notice is not that I interpret it as a gesture of dissatisfaction with me or a question of her love for me. I notice because I know guys who look for a ring to determine if "she was available". To them this did not mean that she wasn't married, it also could mean that she maybe unhappy or dissatisfied with her marriage and willing to look elsewhere. I like to think that the ring is more than a symbol as it also helps to protect your mate from unwanted interest. Marriage is hard enough and although you may not be shopping for a mate, by not wearing your ring could be construed as an invitation to others to look at you as available. I know this could sound "old fashioned", but maybe we should view this ring as not only a pledge of love, but a way for your mate to ward off unwanted interest when he / she is not there.

Anonymous said...

Both our love languages are acts of service. And no we do not wear our wedding rings. My husband doesn't wear his because he has seen to many men loose their fingers to wedding rings. I don't wear mine for two reasons. 1.) I've had a lot of children and my ring no longer fits. 2.) I'm not a jewelry kind of person. My Husband will occasionally put his on when we go to weddings and I have to laugh because it just doesn't look right.

Anonymous said...

I took my ring off after getting my hand caught in a machine. But a few years later, I started wearing it again as an anniversary gift to your mom, because wanted to make a statement of love to her. I don't think there is really a right or wrong on this issue. It's the attitude that counts. There are people who wear the ring, yet are unkind to their mate... or even unfaithful. Where we live, there is a whole culture of people who think wearing jewelery is a sin. They don't wear the ring, but own them... go figure... yet most are very faithful and honest in their marriage.


Anonymous said...

Except for the time we broke a thermometer and I got mercury on my ring while cleaning it up my wedding ring has been on my finger since March 6, 1982. My wife removed it from my finger, took it to the jeweler's for cleaning, and she slipped it back on my finger when she returned. I would about as soon leave home without my pants! Tim C

Christina Johnson said...

yep I wear my ring all the time, mostly because I think I would loose it if I ever took it off. Also, living here in the Philippines, being a younger American woman, it's good to have something they can see which shows them I'm taken!

Kim Eppley said...

Tom takes his off when he plays golf and makes hamburger patties but leaves it on otherwise. He doesn't like it when he forgets to put it back on when he goes in public. I think that's sweet. I don't take mine off except to make something gross with my hands, or to have it cleaned/inspected. I am old-fashioned about it but I don't judge others if they choose not to wear it.

MaryLu said...

Oh interesting!
I think I would have to agree with Gary Chapman. My primary love language is gifts, though after 21 years of being married to a guy who still doesn't recognize that, I'm learning to rethink the ways I accept love from him. Meaning, I don't expect him to shower gifts upon me when his love language is not gifts. His is quality time.
Interesting because I never take my ring off, and I've had it resized twice, one up and one down so that it would always fit and I could wear it.
During Bear's first deployment he took it off so it wouldn't get caught on anything and injure his hand, then his knuckles swelled from artheritis and he hasn't worn it since 2003. It doesn't bother me that he doesn't wear it, but I wouldn't be caught dead without mine.

Amy said...

Several years ago, I started wearing an anniversary band [which matches my husband's] instead of my wedding ring. My wedding ring is too big, I worry it'll fall off and get lost. The diamond isn't as practical and doesn't fit my personality like the band does.

We both take our rings off while at home and never leave the house without them. I could go days without putting my ring on, but if I step outside my house I feel naked without it.

When in public, I expect both my husband and myself to wear our rings unless we're doing a dangerous job.

Anonymous said...

I wore mine for about the first 10 years or so of our marriage, but since I've had fibromyalgia I can't tolerate it for very long. I do wear it when I'm dressing up for something special. Paul wears his all the time. I don't think its a big deal to either of us. Our 19th anniversary is in a couple of weeks. Time sure does fly!