Ugh...

As you may know, I'm taking Women in Society in school right now. Suffice it to say I don't exactly see eye to eye with either the author of my textbook or my professor. But hey, that's ok. It has evoked much passion in me... well, pretty much just frustration... (I have to ask, are gender roles a BAD thing? Yes, I can admit they exist... is that WRONG? Anyway, I digress...)

Just frustration, until tonight. Tonight, for the first time, I read something I passionately agreed with. I was reading the chapter on Gender-based Violence for a paper due this weekend, when I stumbled across a term I was not familiar with: Double Victimization. Let me back up for a second... when I read in the essay assignment that we needed to cover this term, I figured it had something to do with the double standard of women being considered either too prudish or too easy, and nothing in between, creating the sexual double standard. Whatever. I don't think that's necessarily accurate, but whatever.

Until I read what the term actually means: It is when a woman is victimized in a crime, then again by the criminal justice system. (Backing up again, if you don't know my story, now would be a good time to read it here.)

I was amazed how much passion this ignited! I could feel my heart beating hurriedly as my fingers strove to type as quickly as I was thinking so I could express myself in my paper (fortunately, our professor looks for informal, self-reflective essays...) Those jerks! Those mean, creepy old men who were working for the Ottawa County Sheriff's Department!! How in the world are THEY going to tell me that I didn't "respond the way a woman in [my] situation would respond"?? How do they think that their "thirty years in the business" trumps my personal and horrific experience? What gave them the right to lecture me about how I had wasted their time and they really should be arresting me for "falsely reporting a crime"?? How... in the name of all that is right in this world... did they purposefully convince me that the man who was found by another officer- who MATCHED MY DESCRIPTION to the 911 dispatcher- was NOT the man who did this, and an hour later MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY for "ruining that innocent man's morning"??? And to top it all off, why did they think it was in any way appropriate to question my sanity??? (Try to hear this in a condescending, patronizing, sing-songy voice: "No, Sara, we don't think you're lying... we just don't think that what you said really happened...")

We found out later that, because of a nearby college campus, this particular department gets falsely reported rapes and other sexual assaults often (though, this does make me wonder if they were really falsely reported, or if these condescending and chauvinistic men made these women believe that it was actually consensual...??)

After my dad wrote an inflammatory letter to the sheriff's department, we did get an official apology and a visit by a personal representative of the sheriff (being the week of Christmas, the Sheriff- and the main detective, who is a believer, mind you- were on vacation...) But I have to wonder if those men ever were reprimanded for what they did to me?

Forget for a moment what the aggressor did. We all know what he did was wrong, and that the emotions that experience evokes are completely valid. But what about the fact that it put a serious distrust of our police force in the depths of my heart? What about the fact that now, the image that comes to my mind when someone says the words "Sheriff's Department" are not men and women protecting the peace and lawfulness of our society, but rather two men who, truth be told, make me feel worse about myself than the man who did this?

Don't get me wrong. I really appreciate our police force and all they do, and I certainly do not believe they are all corrupt- or chauvinistic. Jon's Chaplain Assistant's civilian job is a cop, and honestly, Sgt. Franklin has probably done more good in reconciling his occupation with "good" in my mind than anything. I don't hate cops.

That said, it infuriates me that those men got away with that. Hopefully, they have since retired and will not cause anyone else the pain they caused me.

Happy Day After Independence Day!

Ah yes, it's been a while. In the past week, I have begun three posts, and scratched them all. Why? Nothing interesting to say.

We had a lovely 4th yesterday. We slept in late, made smoothies for breakfast, and pretty much bummed around all day. We had a fantastic steak dinner, with mashed potatoes, sauteed onions, green peppers, & mushrooms, and garlic bread. I pointed out to Jon the steak juice mingling with butter grease pooling on our plates... that's a sight you don't often see in our house!! Last night was a far cry from steamed veggies and brown rice! :)

After dinner we washed the vehicles. Yes. I said WE. For the third time in my life. Once when Jon was gone, Josh got me to help him... you know... because he was washing MY truck... I helped Jon once before too. It's not exactly my favorite thing in the world, but it helps get the job done quicker, and hey, Jon folds all the clothes and sweeps most of the time, so I figure I should pitch in!

After that... and a walk to assuage our guilt... I made... a chocolate chip cookie pizza!!! My my... for any of you who have spent much time in Chicago, you are probably familiar with Lou Malnati's signature dessert: a huge chocolate chip cookie baked in a cast iron skillet, topped with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, and chocolate syrup. I passed on the whipped cream, but it was still pretty good! I have fantastic memories from Moody of going out for dessert with a couple friends, ordering the delectable chocolate mountain, all grabbing a spoon and digging in! I don't think Jon was nearly as excited as I was, but hey, itsallgood.

I have some other thoughts brewing... but for now, I leave you with lovely thoughts of food...

A couple other thoughts...

Just to put it in perspective, the baby is about 3" long right now. It's so fascinating to think about those teeny tiny little fingers and toes!

I also wanted to add that I think seeing the heart beat was my favorite part- this little blob in the middle of the body fluttering away...

2nd Introduction of the Week... (drum roll please...)

I give you, ladies and gentlemen, the announcement you've all been waiting for: New Baby Fisher!!!

Yes yes, in six months or so Jon and I will be welcoming into the outside world our first child!

I had been waiting to post until we heard the heart beat- and today, we got much better- an ultrasound!



Our doctor was a really cool person- very laid back and personable, and she listened to all my questions and answered them thoroughly (at this point in the journey, I have only good things to say about Army medicine... I hope that keeps up!). When we heard the heart beat (which was enough to make my week in itself!), we also heard little thumps. "Did you hear that?" she asked, surprised- "that was the baby jumping!" She then went across the hall and pulled into the room an ultrasound machine! It was older, but nonetheless, it worked. (see first pic) She was amazed at how much the baby was moving and how well developed s/he is. She actually thought I may have been further along than I thought! So, she called down to the ultrasound tech, who said she could see me right then.



Even though we found out we're no further along than we thought, it was very cool to be able to get to use the nice machine this early- they ususally don't do it until 5 months! The ultrasound tech even noted that s/he is moving and jumping more than babies usually do at this stage. We got a lot of good shots, and I posted the two she printed out. You can't really see it in these, but in some of the pictures we could see the individual fingers and toes, as well as the brain, nose, and lips- and that was all without her even having to tell us what they were! (notice the difference between the two machines in the first and second pictures...) Looks like we're going to have a kicker on our hands!!

After over 2 years of "paper pregnancy"...

I am once again an aunt!! Josh (Jon's brother) and Amy are in China right now, picking up their daughter. They went to the orphanage earlier today (2am OUR time) and met their little Emma Mei! I am so happy for all of them! (it also happens to be Katelyn's birthday- what a great present!)

It has been a LONG road... When Jon & I were engaged, they had me babysit Katelyn, their other daughter, so that they could go to "meetings" in Grand Rapids. I wasn't sure what that was all about, but, being new to the family, I wasn't about to ask questions! Then, the same day that Jon left for Iraq, they told us of their hearts' pulling to adopt a little girl from China. I don't know about you, but that puts it in perspective for me how long ago it was! It seems like an eternity! It's been two years since they began the paperwork process- two and a half since they started attending the meetings.

Then, there was the perpetual "hurry up and wait"- with each piece of paperwork, each signature, each step of the way, it seemed like the process was taking longer and longer than anticipated. And, well, it was. They finally got their referral (including a picture of Emma) in December- I think these past 6 months have been the longest!

So here, without further ado, I present to you the newest member of our family: Emma Mei Shan Fisher.

Addendum

Addition to my last post:

I LOVE Cookies 'N Creme Ice Cream.

As of today.

Musings, both random and not:

Here I sit, procrastinating doing my homework. The overhead light is on, trying to lull me into reading an essay about hypersexual black women. Can you blame me for procrastinating?

I am flipping back and forth between a rerun of Next Food Network Star and School of Rock. Both I have seen before. And yet, I have to say, this is a perfect Sunday evening. Well, save for the imminent assigned reading and subsequent essay...

Ooh... my life just got more interesting- Next Food Network Star just started a new episode, and they're making food for soldiers out of MREs! That's pretty cool.

Reading a few blogs of women whose husbands are at CH-BOLC (and one who is there herself) has made me reflect on our lives a bit...

As I mentioned the other day, I had my first lunch with the Ft. Stewart Chaplains' Wives this week. (Apparently, they didn't know I was here until recently- they all welcomed me to the area, and when they learned I had been here since January, apologized profusely. Eh well, whatareyagonnado? No one is perfect! :-) I did have a good time though. It's really neat to connect with women who have are on the opposite end of this journey- approaching retirement, having served for two decades. There are a couple that I want to be just like when I grow up!

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just in the honeymoon phase of Army life, if one day it will be so rote that I won't really even enjoy it. I hope not. Though I'm sure that in a few years I'll laugh at this, I feel like I have a good enough grasp of it right now to know I'll enjoy it. It won't always be what it is right now- there will be installations I hate, places where I just can't seem to connect with other wives... times when Jon won't be there...

But, I have learned to not dwell on the "What Ifs"- they will rip you apart. Right now, I'm happy to be where we are... and... right now, that's all that matters.

Personal Policies Meme

Sorry it's been so long... I'm just starting to recover from my two weeks away! Add to that having to move chapels (and childcare) for PWOC meeting yesterday, a Chapel budget meeting (at the same time as PWOC), a Chaplain's wives lunch today, and getting ready for some friends to come over tonight, it's continued to be busy! (having a pain in my hip so bad I could barely walk yesterday did NOTHING to help matters... fortunately I woke up today and it was gone!)

Anyhoo... Rachel, whose husband is currently at CH-BOLC (when Jon went it was CHOBC- either way, it's the Chaplain Officer School), tagged me a while back with a meme on personal policies. I gave it some thought and couldn't really come up with any, when my husband lovingly informed me that I am rather quirky and have a lot of "policies" that don't necessarily make sense... I still don't know WHAT in the world HE'S talking about... so here are a few I came up with:

1) ALWAYS CHECK THE DATE! I never drink milk or consume any dairy products that are even a day past the expiration date. Blech!

2) Speaking of milk, it goes with tomato-based foods. I don't know if you would really call it a policy per se, but I don't do any of that pop-with-pizza thing. Spaghetti, burritos, lasagna, pizza, etc- I always drink milk.

3) Spend an hour each morning on the internet, with the tv on, as "wake-up time." Yes. Policy. And don't even THINK about calling me during that time. If you do, I won't answer (for which you should be appreciative... suffice it to say I'm not the most friendly before I am fully woken up, at 10am... I think my former 1st- and 2nd-hour students would tell you that. In fact, my 2nd- hour class often commented that I was much more talkative and alert toward the end of class than the beginning. The class was from 9:05-9:55.)

4) Get up with Jon to have coffee each morning. Yep, I'm out of bed before 8 every day out of pure love for my husband. And 95% of the time I don't even go back to bed!

5) Never blog anything I wouldn't want my grandmother to read. Not that either of my grandmothers even read my blog (though both of my husband's do...), but this is just a good reminder...

6) Never leave my house in sandals without my toenails painted. 'Nuf said.

7) Always, Always, ALWAYS make sure my keys are in my hand when I lock the car door. That horrific 6-month period when I was engaged and newly married I think I locked my keys in my car at least once a month. (The worst being the time that I had just gone to WalMart and had FOUR replacement keys made- you know, to keep in different locations so I would never be without. Immediately after leaving WalMart, I went to get gas... and wouldn't you know it, locked all five keys in the truck.)

That's all I can think of for now. I'm supposed to tag 5 people, but to make it easy, we'll go with my fellow familial bloggers: Jon, Josh, Amy, and Dad. And for the 5th, any of you who blog who feel so inclined- you're it too! :-)

My week

Wow! What a week and a half! Rachel over at nothinggold.net tagged me for a meme... but after seeing what it was I think I'm going to have to contemplate it a little! So... once I get wireless at more than Panera, I shall attend to that. For now, here are some highlights from our trip thus far:

~ Getting to spend some time at my parents (and having a great Mexican meal!)- I'm headed back there tomorrow

~ Hanging out at Jon's dad's... never a boring experience, as some of you well know! Zachary even planned a picnic in the backyard for us all (he set up the table and chairs and everything!), and after finally getting the grill assembled, we had a great picnic. I think my favorite part was when he started getting on our case because we needed to help him clean up because it was going to rain. He was quite urgent in letting us know that the rain was coming and we needed to hurry... of course, we didn't... until no more than two minutes later when we started getting wet...

~ Seeing some of the history of downtown Benton Harbor with Jon's brother Ben as our tour guide. It is actually quite sad the way the town has fallen.

~ Getting together with my siblings and their kids for dinner Thursday. I had been looking forward to the lasagna for days, and it didn't let me down!

~ Doing the same thing the next night with Jon's side. We ended the evening with a bonfire and had a great time!

~ Getting to connect with some friends from Pine Ridge Bible Camp (where I worked for several years) while Jon went golfing with his brothers

~ Pete and Gina's wedding!!! I remembered to bring my camera... unfortunately, I left it in the car and didn't get any pictures... doh! It was such an honor being able to help out with the ceremony, and I couldn't be happier for them as they begin their new life!!

~ Going to church at Kent City... ah... like a breath of fresh air...

~ Okok, so the worst part was sending Jon back down home... all good things must come to an end...

~ That night I went to Andrea's and hung out with her and the girls- Lila beat me at Chutes and Ladders, and Iris was busy busy busy packing for her first camp experience!

~ Monday I spent all day on a trip down Memory Lane with Sara and Beth. They put a ton of work into planning the day for me, and it was really cool. We went to a ton of our old haunts and reminisced as we visited each. Though my life has really moved on since most of those places, it was cool being able to spend that time with them, as they have transcended my high school life and are still a part of it.

~ Staying up way past my bedtime with Matt (my brother) and Carrie that night... And seeing the boys in their element on their new slide and with their trucks!

~ Getting together with most of my mom's side of the family last night and this morning. I was able to write a lot of family history from my grandparents, which was really neat. I look forward to being able to pass it on to my kids!

That's it for now... I still have a couple more stops before I take off on Saturday...

Until next time!

Leaving on a Jet Plane...

(Because of my "gift" for remembering trivial statistics and dates,) I just figured out that Jon and I have been to the airport 14 times, dropping the other off or picking the other up. Fourteen times. (That doesn't even include saying goodbye in a field when he deployed- or hello in a parking lot when he redeployed.)

You know how many times we have actually BOTH gotten on the plane and gone to the same place? Zero. For all those trips to the airport, one of us has always traveled alone.

Talk about a long-distance relationship.

Yes, this coming Monday is quite a big event. We are going to the airport WITHOUT having to say goodbye! (though... he will be coming home a week before me, but since his brothers will be taking him to the airport, we won't count it...)

Rain, Rain, Don't Go Away...

We have had a lovely morning.

I was awakened by Jon tapping on my forehead with one finger. "Listen..." He said.

Ah yes. The glorious sound of rain rhythmically dropping on the roof. I have not heard that sound in months. We have been in a pretty serious drought here- indicated by the wildfires- so this is very welcomed rain.

We enjoyed our Saturday morning tradition of pancakes (made by Jon) and watched a romantic comedy. Or, as Jon would call it, death by a thousand small needles. Either way.

It is now 2:15 in the afternoon and still raining heavily. It even smells like rain.

To top it off, we leave for the great North on Monday... my mind is swirling with thoughts of seeing family and friends again- including the wedding of some good friends that has been years in the making!

What a great Saturday.

Our Weekend

Rocky and Carolyn, some good friends from Fayetteville, visited us for Memorial Day weekend. We had a great time! On Sunday we toured Savannah, including a historical bus tour. Okokok, so I know it sounds corny, but really, I thought it was quite fascinating. Savannah has such a rich history that such things are informative and interesting. We followed it up with a progressive dinner- appetizers at one place, dinner at another, and topped it off with dessert... now that's the way to see a city! (btw- the pictures were taken AFTER dessert, after a long day of walking around the city...)



On Monday we toured the Warrior's Walk at Ft. Stewart- you can read about it at my husband's site. After a great steak dinner, we sent them on their way and spent the rest of the evening recovering from a busy weekend! (Man, I must be getting old... this used to be par for the course...)

The Drive-In

I had a brand new experience Friday night... Jon and I went to a drive-in theater to see Pirates 3. We bundled up, loaded the cooler and the snack bag (complete with our own popcorn :-), grabbed some blankets and pillows, and drove away! It was like going on a picnic, with the added bonus of a movie! Oh, it was glorious. We set up all our goods in the back of the truck and settled in for the movie. Like all Pirates movies, it was a wee bit long and there were holes in the plotline that leave you wondering... but all in all, we enjoyed it. (Though I will say, the ending was NOT what I was expecting!)

Anyway- neither of us had ever been to a drive-in, but we will definitely be repeating the excursion... it was almost a nostalgic feeling, I think because it reminds me of going to see the fireworks in Grand Rapids on July 4th when I was growing up. It was great!

Happy Lost Day!

Two hour finale tonight!

Unfortunately, we have to wait another 8 months before season 4 begins...

I absolutely love this show, but I get frustrated with it week after week... knowing that tonight will raise a million more questions than it answers... *sigh*...

Oh well- I suppose I must just admit that I am one of the millions of people who have gotten sucked in and can't get out...

Anyone wanna move here and help? :-)

I have two words for you:

Seventy-four children.

That's how many we had at Kids Church yesterday. 74.

We normally average around 50, but since we didn't meet last week, I expected around 30-35 (I hear it always drops after an off week, which held true the week after Easter).

Fortunately, I had four volunteers. A whopping four. Two of whom had never been there before yesterday, so were completely clueless (though I will say they did a great job jumping in for crowd control- one even taught a class!), and the rest of us were too busy to show them the ropes. (2 weeks ago, NO volunteers showed up- not one... I had to call 2 friends to fill in last minute, and I'm glad I did- there were 60 kids that week...)

I came home and crashed, thinking of ways the whole program can run more efficiently. It was really designed for 30-40 kids, so this is just way too many, and becomes super chaotic with that many kids. Of course, it's a great problem to have- but one that will need resolving right quickly!

Update on the AC

To answer your questions, yes, my dad had me look at the breaker as well as the unit outside. But, he told me to look for a handle... my neighbor explained to me last night that these units have a small little button (more like a piece of metal covered in rubber) near the bottom- if she hadn't told me what to specifically look for, I never would have seen it or known it actually did anything. Apparently it just needed to be reset or something- but now it works! (Thanks, Kim!)

It's only 75 in here today, though, so after it started working I set it on 80- we should be good now!

Smoke and Water

Many of you have asked if we're near the fires. Well, it depends on how you define "near"- the fires aren't super close to us (probably about an hour away), but this morning when I woke up the smoke was so bad I was convinced someone was having a bonfire in my living room. We're in official drought here- it needs to rain!

On another note...


Yesterday was the installation ceremony for the new board at PWOC. (The new executive board is pictured to the right) I wasn't quite sure what to expect (though we did have step-by-step instructions kindly printed out for us, as well as a rehearsal the day prior). It was quite an emotional day for many of the ladies.

Many installations (especially heavily-deploying ones like Ft. Stewart) will go through cycles of mass turnover. Last summer, many many people PCSed (moved) out, and many many PCSed in. Because of that, the ONLY ladies who attend PWOC now who were here 12 months ago are the retired ones. When the new crop of ladies began attending last fall, there wasn't a whole lot of direction. Tammy (the outgoing president) stepped up, and others filled in the other positions. With help from the ladies who have been here for 20 years, this chapter of PWOC began to grow once again. It's been a long and hard road for them, though- so passing the baton yesterday was filled with mixed emotions of sorrow... and relief!

After we all said our "vows," the outgoing board washed the hands of the incoming, then we invited all the ladies up who wanted their hands to be washed by us, the incoming. Up until that point, the ceremony hadn't been emotional for me- unlike others, it was the beginning of the road for me, not the end. But during that handwashing, "How Beautiful" was playing in the background, and I was struck with an overwhelming feeling. The washing was purely symbolic- but how symbolic it is! To be washed by the outgoing president and VP of spiritual life was humbling, as they were preparing me for the task ahead. Then washing the hands of other ladies who had come forward was a good reminder to me that the reason I am doing this is for them, not for my own agenda. (It's all about servant leadership, right, Steve? ;)

Then, after it was all over and we headed off to our board meeting, it hit me- this is it! It's one thing to say, "Oh, sure, I'll be the president next year..." It's another thing to have someone hand you binders and folders full of information because YOU are the one that now needs it... (I mean, come on- in what church's women's ministry are there 386 pages of guidelines and bylaws??)

Playin it Cool

Until yesterday, we hadn't yet turned on the air conditioner in the house. (And we were darn proud of it!) It had gotten up to 80 inside (while it was 90 outside), but that was tolerable (heck, if I could justify spending the money, I'd have my house at 80 in the winter!)

But yesterday, when it got up to 82 in here, I thought, "Ok, that's it- I'll succumb to the heat and turn on the AC."

Weird thing- I didn't feel any air coming out of the vents.

It was closing in on evening by that point, though, so it got cooler anyway. You know, all the way down to 76.

Then today, I had had enough. I turned on the AC again, hoping that maybe I was just losing it from heat exhaustion yesterday when I thought I couldn't feel anything.

Nope. Still nothing.

In fact, it got HOTTER inside! I could hear the fan (or... some... loud... fanlike noise... coming from the closet...), but feel no air. Finally, I called my dad, who led me through what should be happening.

We have a problem.

Not sure yet what it is, but what we DO conclusively know is that the outside air-conditioner-unit thing (how had I never noticed a 3' by 3' by 2' box sitting in my yard?) was not running. No noise; the blades on the fan were not even attempting to move.

I'll have to call the repairman tomorrow.

The worst part is that now, knowing the AC doesn't work, it feels so much hotter in here! :(

Oh the weather outside is...

Ah yes. Nothing like 90 degree weather to get one in the holiday spirit.

No, I'm not talking about Dance Like A Chicken Day, although that does happen to be today.

Nope, I'm talking about my favorite time of year- that period from Halloween (including the preceeding pumpkin carving) through New Year's. I have been listening to Christmas music (only when Jonathan is NOT home), and I am even presently watching a Christmas movie. I stared longingly today at a photo of autumn leaves.

It all gives me the warm fuzzies- why reserve that for two months a year?

Plus, since I seem to have come down with a cold, it seems fitting...

My take on military spouses

In honor of the aforementioned presidential holiday, I thought I would share some of my thoughts on the matter. My husband touched on it briefly earlier this week, and I'll explain a little more.

What makes a happy military spouse? One who has, as Jon pointed out, "bought the lifestyle." Let me back up and give you some of our story for those of you who don't know it...

When I first got to know Jon, he was a soldier. I was really the first person who entered into his life in this context, and I loved the fact that he was in the Army. When our relationship began getting more serious, I was looking forward to a life in the military- however, I had an incredibly distorted view of what that life was like. Though my brother had served when I was in high school, the Army remained this vast... unknown... to me, a 20 year career in the military meant about 3 deployments- one every 6 or 7 years. And really, in the "Old Army" (that before 2001), that was not uncommon. Though there were short separations, they were (with some exceptions, depending on his job) few and far between. Now, however, it's a different story. The military life is plagued with deployments- 15 months gone, 12 months home, 15 months gone, 12 months home...

It's hard.

Getting back to our story... as most of you know, he deployed with the National Guard only a couple weeks after our wedding. The whole time he was gone, "the plan" was to go Active Duty as soon as he redeployed (got back to the States). However, for reasons out of our control, that didn't happen when we thought it would, last April. Deep down, I was glad. To be married only 10 days before sending your husband off to war is filled with emotions that those who have never been through it simply don't understand, and those who have understand all too well. There is doubt, uncertainty, fears (both rational and irrational), resentment, anger, and frustration.

Needless to say, by the time the opportunity to go Active came around again in June, I was happy to have my husband by my side and didn't want that ever to change. While he wasn't sure which path to take in life, I was! Out of love toward me he did what I wanted and withdrew his name.

We moved down to Georgia and both taught at the school he was at before he deployed. It was a great time in our marriage, and I will always look back at Fayetteville with fondness. We needed that time together. But, I know Jon. As I've often been told by other spouses, once the military is in their blood, it doesn't leave. This was true for Jon. While he enjoyed being back in the classroom and loved the students, his heart was with the soldiers. Unfortunately, mine wasn't!

Then, something started to change. In September, we went to a ball for his battalion. While there, we were talking with his former Battalion Commander, who told Jon of a mission called "Operation Warrior Training" that he was working with, and that he would love for Jon to come be a chaplain there! Jon kindly smiled and thought nothing more of it.

I thought about it hard for a couple weeks. I knew that if I gave him any indication that I was willing to go back to the Army, that would be it. The decision would be made. Was I ready for that?

I decided I was. Our relationship was at a point that I knew I was more important to him than the Army, and I knew that more deployments wouldn't change that. I knew I could share him with Uncle Sam.

So, I told him. He was taken aback at first- he didn't want to believe me until he knew I was serious!

And now, I realize it was the best decision we could have made. I tell you that whole story to put it in perspective for some of you. As he said in his post, this decision to be military is one we made together. Sure, there are bad things. Downright awful things. But you know what? You'd be hard pressed to find a job that had NO shortcomings! It's all a matter of priorities, and what shortcomings you are willing to put up with to do the job you love.

I began this post with saying that the key to being a happy military spouse is "buying the lifestyle." And once you do, it's great! For me, it's PWOC. That is how I have chosen to get involved- it was first something to do, quickly became my social network, and is now also my ministry. There are tons of other clubs and groups on an installation- anything you want to be involved in! And the family support is unlike you would get anywhere else- you just have to be willing to do the research to find the resources you need. I know some pretty miserable spouses- and they make their husbands miserable. The reason is that they only see the negative things about the Army, not the amazing camaraderie and benefits. (if you want just a glimpse of what is out there for spouses, go to militaryonesource.com and browse...)

The military is not only a job, something to pay the bills. It runs through your blood and gives you a sense of pride that you have never felt before. It is a way of life, and the only way to enjoy it is to view it as such.

So yes, it's hard. It brings challenges and frustrations not known in any other context. But those things are countered with immense joys... each difficult goodbye makes the coming reunion that much sweeter.

You have to choose it. Together.

Happy Military Spouse Day!

It's official. President Bush declared today "Military Spouse Day"- so give that military spouse in your life a big hug of appreciation!

On that note, many women in PWOC said goodbye to their husbands earlier this week- many for the third time since GWOT began. As always, keep them in your prayers...

By the President of the United States of America

A Proclamation
America's military spouses inspire our Nation with their sense of duty and deep devotion to our country. On Military Spouse Day, we honor the husbands and wives of those who wear the uniform of the Armed Forces of the United States.

The husbands and wives of our service members have made significant sacrifices for freedom's cause, and they are an integral part of the success of our Armed Forces. Spouses may endure long periods of separation and frequent relocations, and they often set aside their own personal and professional ambitions for the benefit of their family and the Nation. Despite tremendous personal challenges, military spouses maintain everyday life for their families here at home, while sending love, prayers, encouraging words, and care packages to their loved ones stationed around the globe.

On behalf of a grateful Nation, we salute our Nation's military spouses. For ways to support our troops, their spouses, and their families, visit americasupportsyou.mil.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim May 11, 2007, as Military Spouse Day. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this day with appropriate ceremonies and activities and by expressing their gratitude to the husbands and wives of those serving in the United States Armed Forces.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this ninth day of May, in the year of our Lord two thousand seven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-first.

GEORGE W. BUSH

Good Times

We went to Grace's "Non-Prom Banquet" last week- it was a great time! It was at the Sundial restaurant in Atlanta, and we ate on the 72nd floor with windows all around. It was so good to see some of our students again (Hannah, a graduating senior, is in the pic with me). Dinner was heavenly... I even ordered the steak (instead of chicken), and the dessert was a delicious chocolate mousse cake. We sat with some students that hold special places in our hearts, then we hung out with some of the other teachers afterward!


We're sorry we won't be able to make it to graduation... this is the first graduating class at Grace, and it is special especially to Jon, since he was there at the beginning. We pray the best for these kids as they venture out to their places in the wide wide world...

Lest you think I'm turning liberal...

I am studying for my American Social Problems final right now. Can I tell you how much this book frustrates me? It is written with an incredible liberal slant! Any time the current President is mentioned, it is quickly followed up with an explanation of how he is wrong- SEVERAL times throughout the book! Bush's Faith-Based Initiatives is brutally attacked, while every other governmental policy on poverty and aid is left untouched. I understand that the authors may not feel that FBI is best, but is a college textbook the place for that? They even slammed him for getting into Yale on his family connections, because he doesn't support affirmative action but was a recipeient of it. I think the authors of this book forget that the government did not have a policy in force to REQUIRE Yale to let him in. Ugh.

It also manipulates statistics. Here's one example: The text pointed out how 73% of characters on prime time network television shows are white- what an outrage! However, in doing research for the subsequent paper on racism I had to write, I realized that 74% of Americans ARE white! Is that racism, or simply an adequate representation?

I suppose that being a sociology major I'm asking for it...

ETA: I just read that what matters is not whether you are male or female, but where you individually choose to live on the "gender continuum"...

Dear Anonymous,

If you hate what I have to say that much, please refrain from commenting. If the thought of a husband doing loving things for his wife makes you ill, please keep that to yourself. Or, at the very least, instead of remaining anonymous, be brave enough to leave your name with an intelligent reason of why you disagree. I don't personally like anonymous comments to begin with, and what you wrote begged to be deleted.

Thank you.

Lessons Learned

I have many things I would like to write about, and a few posts will be coming in the next few days about my week!

But for now, I want to write about my husband.

He is absolutely wonderful.

Let me explain.

He not only listens to me, shows affection to me, and is altogether kind to me, but he also does things to make me feel special.

When I took my finals earlier this spring, I came home to freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and milk! (and if you know Jon, you know that while he is a fantastic cook, baking isn't high on his priority list...)

We got home late last night, and to celebrate him doing well on his PT (physical training) Test on Friday, we decided to order pizza (after having eaten very healthy foods for the past couple weeks...)

I went out to pick it up, and when I pulled in the driveway, he met me at the door, wearing khakis and a collared shirt. That's when I knew he was up to something.

As I got closer to the house, I could hear Nora Jones playing in the background, and he led me into the dining room.

He had changed the tablecloth, lit candles, and set out the fine china.

For our pizza.

He said he wanted to make me smile.

I write this not because last night was anything unique- in fact, quite the opposite.
Having a husband who goes out of his way to do things (even small things like bringing me chocolate when he returns from a trip) just to make me happy is an indescribable feeling.

The very first night we talked, two and a half years ago, he had just gotten done taking a marriage & family counseling course at seminary. I remember him speaking about how he was determined that the key to a happy marriage is waking up every day and thinking of something nice to do for your spouse- and do it!

We didn't even know we would date then, much less get married.

But you know what? I have met countless couples who have been married longer than I've been alive who haven't seemed to realize this yet.

What is your spouse's love language? (words of affirmation; quality time; gifts; acts of kindness; physical affection- though I am CONVINCED that food is a separate love language...)

Speak it to him or her, even if it's not the language you prefer to use.

That is my challenge to you: whether you have been married one week or fifty years, do one thing today to make your spouse feel special. To make him or her smile.

Not married? Do something kind for a friend- putting others before yourself is the key to any healthy relationship; not just marriage.

Until next time...

technical difficulties

Comments are again allowed! Sorry for the confusion...

We're at Ft. Jackson in South Carolina this week for a conference. I just burned my finger quite badly on the coffee pot.

Anyway, read yesterday's post and tell me what you think! :-)

A question of ethics

Jon and I heard something quite interesting on NPR yesterday during "All Things Considered."

A lady called in with an ethics question. Here is the story: The high school in her community had all their students sign a pledge that said they would neither drink alcohol nor be around alcohol at parties, etc. However, these same students posted pictures of themselves at parties with alcohol on their myspace pages. The school administration found them and disciplined the students.

The question: Is this ethical?

Should school administration be allowed to discipline students based on what is posted on myspace?

Though I can see both sides of the issue, the two important things in the case in my opinion are that:

1) the students ALL signed the commitment form, giving the school the authority to control this (the argument could have been made that it is not the school's right to monitor off-campus behavior, if it were not for this). Regardless of how you feel about the school demanding that kind of behavior, the fact is that they signed.

2) the pictures were posted ONLINE. The lady on the internet used the argument that even though the internet is public, "the students don't view it that way- they view it like a locked diary." Why does what teenagers THINK matter? (I have also heard students say that they thought that in writing a paper, if they changed one word in a sentence of a book they read, it wasn't plagiarism. Regardless of what they think, that IS plagiarism, and it is wrong.) If they think that what they post online isn't visible by everyone and their pedophiliac brother, they need to be educated in it- not excused for it. (As a sidenote, myspace allows you to set your page as "private" so it can ONLY be viewed by the people you allow. Most teens look at it as a "way to meet new friends," so they don't use this feature.)

Also, take a look at the recent VT shootings- the school is being blamed for NOT monitoring what he posted online! If a high school student posted on his myspace that he was going to kill students (even off campus), would the administration have a right to take charge then? If so, what makes that any different from other harmful vices?

And if the students are posting/ commenting on myspace on school computers (which, as a former teacher, I can guarantee you happens frequently), does that make a difference?

What do you think? Is this an infringement of privacy, or did the school have grounds to suspend these students?

Mosquito Test

It's been a while. A couple times I have even opened blogger dashboard to write something, then have utter writer's block.

I officially got the Kids Church contract! I'm excited to really start working on that now... but I sure am staying busy!

In lieu of anything interesting going on in my mind, I will refer you to Jesse's site. He just posted something quite fascinating about how as people get older, they lose hearing at high frequencies (he was even kind enough to post different frequencies you can listen to to see where you rate!) What's interesting about this is that apparently (I had never heard of it), kids can set this as a ringtone on their cellphones, so they can hear them in class while their old-fogey teachers can't! You really need to read this!

ETA: Follow the Earl's lead and post how you rated in the comments section!

an oddity

I woke up stiff this morning.

The front of my thighs felt like I had done a serious work-out...

Thing is, I haven't been to the gym since Friday...

It hasn't gotten better- "What did I DO?"

Then when Jon came home from work, he said he experienced the same thing.

He figured out why:

Yesterday at Kids Church, he led us all in "I've Got the Joy" (an updated version of the old Sunday School classic). The verse has the word "joy" in it 18 times- he had us jump up/ every time we said the word "joy"... then the same with "love" and "peace"- basically we did 54 squats...

Man alive, never would I have thought that children's ministry could be so exhausting...

PWOC Retreat & More Army Life

I'm beat.

The last thing in the world I wanted to do this morning was get out of bed... even after I did, watching the rain beat down on the deck made me desire a cup of coffee and good book.

Alas and alack, I headed off to Kids Church...

We had our PWOC retreat this weekend. It was just for one night, but I wish we could have stayed longer! We had a great time of fellowship- I didn't go to bed until 2am! (If you know me from college, that was the norm then... if you know me now, you understand that that's a good 4 hours after my bedtime...) Because of block leave (the couple weeks soldiers get off before they're deployed) and childcare issues, not many were able to attend, so the group is a bit sparse and not representative of what a Wednesday morning would look like... those of us that went loved it though! The little house that's pictured was our private dining room!

As a side note, please remember to keep our soldiers and their families in their prayers. As you probably heard this week, they just found out that their tours will be extended to 15 months. That is a long time to be away from home! (to add salt to the wound, the media published it before they were supposed to... our spouses heard it for the first time on the news with the rest of us, and had to then tell their husbands, who had NOT yet been informed! As if this news wasn't bad enough, hearing it on the nightly news made it so much worse...)

I actually was speaking with a lady this week who has been married for 15 years and not once spent her anniversary with her husband.

Though most families love the military, that doesn't mean these things aren't hard...

Our Anniversary Trip

We had a fantastic time in Charleston!!

We left Saturday morning and headed up the three hours to Charleston, South Carolina. It is one of the oldest cities in America, so it has a lot of historical significance.
On Saturday night, we went out for dinner with a friend of Jon's from CHOBC and his friend. We had an absolutely lovely time catching up with him, meeting her, and walking about the city!







Sunday morning we were determined to find a good church for our Easter Service! We found one that we were really excited about and got there ON TIME, only to realize that they only had an evening service... figures... we did find another service to attend and enjoyed it for what it was.

That afternoon we went to Fort Sumter. It is an island that was built as a defense in the Civil War. It is interesting because it was occupied by the North, then the South, then the North... can you even fathom all the history of that small little plot of land? Being an island, we had to take a ferry across... and boy was it cold!! (notice the picture of me huddled trying to keep out of the wind...)

After that we toured the Yorktown, the oldest Naval aircraft carrier still afloat today. Aside from a minor claustrophobic near-breakdown in the depths of the engine room, it was quite enjoyable!

It was really neat seeing the exhibits about the chaplaincy on the ship. The picture of Jon standing in a room is actually the chapel room itself- there is a picture hanging to the left of him of the chaplain doing a service in the same room. It made us feel a part of that heritage of ministering to members of the military- whether it's to soldiers, sailors, marines, or airmen- it's all ministry.

The whole weekend was wonderful. We stayed at a cabin at a campground (can you believe I went three days without wifi?) It was fully equipped with a bathroom and kitchen (including pots/pans and dishes!) Now that's what I call camping! Monday morning I accidentally locked us out of the house. We were enjoying our morning coffee on the screened-in porch overlooking the river, and the door was one of those that opens from the inside even when it's locked (I HATE that!) We found one unlocked window on the side of the house... we pulled the picnic table over and Jon hoisted me through. Only me, only me...

Enjoy the pics!

Two down, forever to go...

Three years ago today, I was living my life alone. I was the secretary for a church, also working at Pine Ridge Bible Camp. I was living in the basement of the camp office, not having any idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

Two years ago today, much had changed. I had met an incredible man who had asked me to be his wife, and we said "I do." He wore his dress blues, and I had daisies in my hair. It was perfect.

One year ago today, I was again living alone. My husband of 12 months was in Iraq, though was but a week away from redeploying. I had dessert with some friends to celebrate. The joy I found in my anniversary was knowing that I was soon to see Jonathan again.

This year, however, is much different. My husband is home and not leaving (long-term) for an indefinite amount of time.

To all of our friends and family who have been with us for the past two years, even if just for a season, Thank you.

To Jonathan, my love, here's to the rest of our lives...

Guess what I just did?

You might as well stop. You'll never guess.

I worked out at a gym.

Ok, go ahead, pick your jaw up off the ground.

One of the perks of having a husband in the military is free membership at the post gym. Right after lunch is a great time to go- all the intimidating soldiers are at work, so it's mostly a few wives. And I have a great husband who showed me how to use every machine so I didn't look like a complete exercise idiot.

I think I worked muscles today that I never even knew existed...

That's a good feeling...

The Life I Lead...

I spent the morning brushing up on my Army Wife Handbook. Though I don't need all the information now, I like to keep abreast of what's in it so I can remember to refer to it when needed. And the more Army experiences I have, the more that the things in the book make sense... It includes everything from Introductions (as in how-to), all sorts of correspondence etiquette, Coffees and Teas (which are quite different, by the way), seating charts, military weddings, funerals, roles of the wife of different ranks/positions, appropriate attire for various situations, etc- it's a must-have for any Army wife!

On a somewhat related note, I was named PWOC's President for next year! (If you don't remember, PWOC stands for Protestant Women of the Chapel- it's the Bible Study/ Wives Group I have been attending.) I am really excited about the opportunity and the chance to serve. And Misty (the one I talked about in my post about the Chili Dinner) is First Vice President of Programs, so it should be great to work with her. I was so honored that I was asked, though the task still seems a bit daunting!

Finished Product

But first... this is my 100th post! Yes, 100 glimpses into the life and mind of Sara...

Back to business- When Jon was gone last week, I purposed to busy myself... on top of getting together almost every day with some indivual or group of friends, I had a couple "projects"- one was, as I said earlier, to empty the spare room... here was the other one...






We wanted a bench in our entryway... I bought this unfinished at Michael's, patched up a hole with wood filler, apoxied hooks on the back of the mirrors (thanks to Lori!), screwed the hooks into the back of the coat hooks (also unfinished)... I'm quite proud of the final product- AND of my use of many things I have never touched before!!

My Sunday

I did something tonight I have not done for a LONG time: attended an after-evening-service fellowship dinner.

Now that I'm doing Kids Church, attending an evening service has become much more important. (Even though I still make it for the last 45 minutes or so of the Gospel Service after packing up Kids Church, it doesn't fulfill my need for what church should *feel* like.)

With Jon gone this week, I ventured out on my own to a local church here in Hinesville. I sat near the back, and about five minutes into the service I realized, when they all filed in late, that I had inadvertently sat in the teen section... when I looked across the auditorium and saw Misty, a new friend from PWOC, I took the opportunity to move.

After the service, she convinced me to stay for the Chili Dinner... and I'm glad I did! Okokok, so I didn't meet anyone new (other than a few people who smiled and shook my hand then promptly forgot I exist), but it was great getting to know Misty a little better. She hosted a get-together Friday night (PWOC has them monthly), and that was the first time I ever really got the chance to talk to her. This is their first Duty Station as well, and about 2 months after they got here her husband deployed. I'm looking forward to spending time with her!

And I have to admit... I'm a sucker for potlucks. I have always loved them... what can I say, I'm a casserole girl...

I also finished my first paper for my new class: American Social Problems. I can already tell this course will be WAY better than the last two...

btw... if you don't frequent it, check out my husband's blog- he just posted some picks of his trip to Vicksburg today!

time to say goodbye

I began this morning yet another thing that has been on my "to do" list for a long time...

I am in the process of going through all my pictures from middle and high school. It is pretty interesting, looking at glimpses of the people and things I used to hold so dear.

I have quite literally forgotten that many of those people existed... and yet, I have hundreds of pictures of them.

Some of them I saved, of course. I have two friends from high school I still keep in touch with. Two. I kept ones of them.

I also kept a couple pictures from youth group days (probably because you've been reading, Derrick...)- those really were good times.

But you know what? The overwhelming majority of them I'm outright throwing away. I suppose everyone hits that point in life, the point that you realize all those adults that told you you wouldn't be friends forever were right. I maintain that I still have Sara and Beth... which is more than most people probably do.

I'll admit, it was harder to part with college pictures. Those friends were in the more recent past, and they also were a bigger part of shaping who I am... even still, I only saved a few of the group pictures...

And THEN... there were the letters... boxes of notes from junior high (though now they just skip the paper and text message each other...)

I have moved this stuff several times; not doing it again... so we now have a cleared-out spare room if you ever want to come see us!!!

I'm Here!!!

I am extremely happy right now.

Long story short, Jon has my laptop in Mississippi, because the power cord on his stopped working over the weekend... leaving me with a laptop that has no power and an iMac that sometimes works; sometimes doesn't.

I bought a new power cord online, but got impatient tonight and started fiddling around with the port and a straight pin... and got it working! Woohoo!! I have once again entered that beautiful web known as the internet.

*sigh*

I'm not sure life could get any better. Maybe I should eat an Oreo to celebrate.

On another note, I changed my name with the Social Security Administration yesterday. I read online that if you don't do it within 2 years of getting married, you need to provide "additional documentation"... and my 2nd anniversary is in 3 weeks... So not wanting to deal with that gave me the motivation I needed to head to Savannah to get it done. It feels good to check off your "to do" list something that has been hanging over your head for two years...

random thoughts

We've had a good week.

We saw "300" the other night. It didn't end how I expected it to... shows how much I know...

Our neighbors took us to a great little restaurant called Mrs. Speed's Kitchen. It is (quite literally) in two single-wide trailers that have been (somehow) connected. The walls are that 70s brown paneling that made me feel like I was in some church basement... but the freshly caught shrimp and flounder were great!

I also bought a plane ticket to Michigan for the beginning of June... woohoo!!!

We watched "The End of the Spear" tonight- it is the story of the missionaries who were killed in the Ecuadorian jungle 50+ years ago. If you haven't seen it, you should. It is a good depiction of a familiar story, and is more quality than most Christian films tend to be.

Someone came to my site this past week from searching "house wife pics" in msn... who knew... (you can also, so I see, get here from "wwI normalcy" "your grace still amazes me" "dogface soldier" "until death do us part wow"...)

Why do I come up in searches in msn faster than google? Do any of you have any idea how that works?

That's all my tired train of thought can come up with for now... hopefully a more interesting post will follow soon...

Who Knew?

Apparently, so I hear, it's basketball season again.

I was invited to participate in two brackets- one with my old work and one with my family -but I wasn't sure I wanted to break my rocking awesome winning streak from last year (okokok, so the ONLY time I won- or participated- was last year...). I bit the bullet, though, and guessed primarily on seed.

So have any of you ever heard of some place called Old Dominion?

There were actually about 6 or 7 teams I had never heard of... I didn't pick those teams.

I am certainly not going to be trash talking, because I don't want it to bite me.

I will just remind you all- especially Josh, Chris, Ken, and Derek- the feelings of utter defeat and loss that they felt last year...

The Weekend in Numbers

Minutes we drove around on Friday before stumbling across something to do: approx. 30

Number of times we marveled at the amazing beauty on our walk through the woods (more like jungle) in South Georgia (what we stumbled upon): too many to count

Episodes of "Into the West" watched: 2

Trips to Walmart yesterday for yard supplies: 2

Hours it took to rake the yard: 2.5

Hours it SEEMED it took to rake the yard: 11

Trash bags now filled with leaves: 13
Gallons in each bag: 29
Total gallons of leaves now NOT strewn about our backyard: 377

Times I have previously raked in my whole life: 1 (though, admittedly it was at a youth group function and, truth be told, I probably wasn't the *most* helpful...)

Times I reminded Jon that I have never done anything like this before and/or told him it is *not* my favorite thing: approx. 8

Number of times I felt like giving up: approx. 8

Number of times I actually gave up: 0!! (though, there were a few "breaks"...)

Trip to the theater to see "The 300": 1

Times I saw "The 300": 0 (sold out)

Times I was glad I am no longer a teenager, as they were running, yelling, and cutting in line: too many to count

Time I went to bed last night: 10:00

Time I remembered to change the alarm clock to the new time: 10:15

Times my stomach decided all on its own to "cleanse" itself in the middle of the night: 4

Age I was when my stomach last decided all on its own to "cleanse" itself: 11

Time I got out of bed: 11:00 (the old 10:00)

Naps I have taken today: 3

Temperature outside when I sat on the deck for fresh air: approx. 75 degrees

Times I have desired to relive this weekend: 0

First of many, I'm sure...

I had another military first yesterday: the Spiritual Fitness Luncheon (formerly the Prayer Breakfast)

Jon described it as a "military potluck"- except, instead of endless (delicious) pasta dishes, green bean casserole, and jello desserts as far as the eye can see, it was catered: roasted chicken, vegetables, and beef stroganoff. The head table was full of area pastors and leaders. Anyone there who wasn't garbed in ACUs (the new digital cammo) was quite dressed up (boy, was I glad I decided last minute to wear a casual skirt instead of jeans!)

There were about 500 people attending, mostly soldiers. The special speaker was Mark Richt, the University of Georgia head football coach. He spoke of going into battle- whether on the football field or the sandbox- and the things necessary for success- the biggest of which is spiritual readiness. I thought he did a good job of emphasizing that football doesn't come close to being the same as the Army, while drawing in the comparisons.

I think the most moving part of the ceremony was when a young soldier sang "It is Well." The 6 people sitting at the table with Jon and me are all deploying next week... as are many of the other soldiers who were there (nothing makes you want to be "spiritually fit" like an imminent trip to a combat zone...). Keep these men and women in your prayer.

On a lighter note, my personal favorite part of the ceremony was right before the benediction, when all the soldiers joined together to sing the Ft. Stewart song- "Dogface Soldier" (lyrics follow, click here to hear Ft. Stewart soldiers sing it!). I think it's because my first encounter with soldiers singing was at my brother's boot camp graduation- ever since then, it just cracks me up... probably because my brother isn't one who exactly sings for fun, yet there he was in chorus with all of his fellow graduates. Soldiers singing is always fun for me.

I wouldn't give a bean
To be a fancy-pants Marine;
I'd rather be a Dogface Soldier like I am.
I wouldn't trade my old O.D.'s
For all the Navy's dungarees,
For I'm the walking pride of Uncle Sam.
On all the posters that I read it says,
"Be all that you can!"
So they're tearing me down to build me over again.
I'm just a Dogface Soldier
With a rifle on my shoulder,
And I eat raw meat for breakfast every day.
So feed me ammunition,
Keep me in the Third Division,
Your Dogfaced Soldier's A-Okay!

A further explanation...

Due to an unexpected amount of interest in the subject, allow me to quote from the earlier-mentioned book: The Surprising Power of Family Meals: How eating together makes us smarter, stronger, healthier, and happier by Miriam Weinstein. If you have been participating in this conversation, I think it explains my view. If not, still read it! It is all about how knowing your family heritage can help a child succeed. I have added the boldness for emphasis. The Duke that is talked about is Marshall Duke, a clinical psychologist at Emory University.

"In recent years, psychologists have been paying increased attention to what might be called the bad things happen model of life. Instead of concentrating only on pathology, they are looking to understand its opposite -- how some people suffer tragedy and trauma, and yet go on to do quite well. Their goal is to build this resilience into children. Or as Duke puts it, 'to deal with what's in this life.'

Based on his clinical work, Duke had a sense that kids who knew more about their family background tended to be more resilient. This notion that we get strength from our family ties, from our antecedents, flies in the face of our peculiarly American celebration of self-invention. It is also out of step with the way that we Americans structure our families. Because we count the family as the nuclear, child-rearing unit, we create families whose goal is to self-destruct. We define successful off-springs as those who move out and away. Extended families almost never share homes or businesses, and the leisure time we spend together is often quite limited and formal.

Duke wanted to study whether a child's rootedness in his family contributed to his stability and resilience. So, along with colleagues at Marial, the Emory-based multidisciplinary organization that studies middle-class working families, he looked into how children learned about family lore... at the dinner table.

Beginning in 2001, Duke and his colleagues arranged for the members of forty-two families, each of whom had a child between nine and thirteen years old, to remember and discuss a negative and a positive past event, which were recorded. The families also recorded two dinnertime conversations. In addition, the parents were asked to tell stories about their families. But when they did, all was not sweetness and light. Duke says, 'They told horrible stories about bankruptcies, losing jobs, having to move, accidents; one family talked about a murder.'

But Duke pulls back to consider the context. 'You have to look at where they're telling about it. They're in the safety of their own home. The message is: Terrible things have happened, but we're okay, the family survives. We're thinking it gives the kids grounding, a sense of place, a sense of context.' And he goes on: 'Kids find heroes in their own family.'...

When the group wrote a working paper about their research, they called it Of Ketchup and Kin: Dinnertime Conversations as a Major Source of Family Knowledge, Family Adjustment, and Family Resilience.

The authors, whom I'll call the Ketchup Group, measured the kids in the study according to several standardized psychological tests. They found that the more kids knew about their families, the better they measured up. So those ridiculous stories, as well as the more serious ones, might actually have some value. As the Ketchup Group wrote, 'These give-and-take interactions go beyond influencing memories for the events; they encourage perspective-taking, critical thinking, theory-building, and relationship roles within the family... We propose that family narratives contribute to the current well-being an psychological immunity of its individual members.'

That is, we are our stories. Hearing the family tales again and again over time anchors our sense of who we are, and gives us a feeling of belonging and hope."

Well said.

Favorite Things #3

I just discovered a new favorite thing: Pearled Barley.

I had only had it before in soups and stews... but it is really good on its own! I am, admittedly, a carb girl- give me pasta, bread, and rice! I was raised having (and am continuing the tradition of having :) pasta or rice at almost every meal... but sometimes I want something different- that's why barley is great! It is almost like brown rice, but creamier- like pasta. I made it last night with chicken stock instead of water, and folded in basil, parsley, and thyme at the end.

I also cut up some carrots, mixed with olive oil and rosemary, and roasted them in the oven- the sugar extracted from the carrots glazed them with a sweet coating- they were delicious!

Ye'll tak' the high road, and I'll tak' the low road... and I'll be in Scotland afore ye...

Today I breathed a sigh of relief.

Because we have been out of town all week, I had to take the final exam for both of my classes this morning... suffice it to say that last night wasn't happy. But, I think I did pretty well. I am quite confident, actually. I finished the first in 25 minutes and the second in an hour and 15. Could I have done better? Of course. Do I really care? Not really.

One of the essay questions I had to answer is why knowing a nation's history is important to its citizens. I am absolutely fascinated with this subject. My brother posed the same question to me earlier this week in another context. Why should we be proud of our Scotch-Irish heritage? he asked.

I am very proud to be Scotch-Irish- and I intend to find out more about them... just think- it may have been my ancestors that were monks who preserved the written word during the Dark Ages! It may have been them who sat under St. Patrick (my mom's maiden name is actually McCool) and spread Christianity on the island. The Lennoxes (Jon's mom's maiden name) were descendants of the Stuart Kings- the castle they owned (this picture was taken by Jon's brother Ben) is still there today- near Loch Lomond in Scotland. I find this fascinating!

I read a book last year called The Surprising Power of Family Meals: How eating together makes us stronger, smarter, healthier, and happier. In it, the author related a conversation she had had with a colleague who was a college professor. He had done a study on his students and found that those who knew thier family's heritage- recent and ancient- seemed to have more success in school and beyond.

The book asserted, and I agree, that knowing what "your people" have been through- whether it is the trials of the ancient celts, the journey from the isles to America, or the stories of my grandparents in the Great Depression, this connection to the past empowers people to have the strength to succeed.

Keep in mind this is not always a cognitive decision. When faced with a hard time, I don't think, "Wait a minute! I have ancestors who survived the Potato Famine- I can get through this!" No. I don't.

I do think, though, that the subconscious knowledge of what your family- or nation- has been through can positively affect an individual.

Jon and I have begun compiling information we know so that, someday, we can pass it on to our kids- the book suggests that the dinner table is a great means for that.

What do you think? Do you feel a connection to your past? Is passing family history on to your children important to you?

And an even more pressing question: Do you want to buy a used Western Civilization book?