More Sophie!

I got a full-fledged belly laugh today! I often have the camera within reach so I can capture these moments for Jon- I thought I'd share this with you!



Also, I have to give rave reviews for this Bright Starts rattle- all of her other rattles are too heavy for her to maneuver, and they are too big around for her to keep a hold of- I bought this one yesterday, and it's great! The handles are smaller, and with the way they are wound, her hand gets tangled up in them, making it harder to drop! :-) I would definitely recommend it for babies her age!

Cousins!

First of all, thanks for your comments on yesterday's post. I actually emailed the pastor, sharing with him my experience- he wrote back, apologizing for how it was handled, but defending their strict enforcement of this policy. He mentioned several people left the church when they implemented it... wonder why... Part of me wants to argue the issue with him, but it's fruitless. My emotion is better spent on other things.

Anyway...

On a happier note, Sophie met more cousins! My sister's family and some of their friends stopped in on their way to Florida for Spring Break. While they were taking these pictures, at one point Iris (9) was holding Sophie, and somehow Andrea and Lila (5) both stepped on the air mattress at the same time, causing Iris- and Sophie- to tumble backwards. Sophie didn't cry, or really even react- Lila said, in an encouraging mothering tone, "Oh, you're such a brave little baby..." It was cute. It was really great to see all of them, albeit only for a few hours!

We really need to work on saying "cheese" with Sophie...

Another one bites the dust...

It has happened.

I have entered a world previously unknown to me.

The world where kid-friendliness matters. Suddenly, I am annoyed when public restrooms don't have baby changing stations, stores don't have enough room to maneuver strollers, and schedules do not allow for proper bed-times.

Today, I had a first in this world-

my first bad church nursery experience.

You see, with us planning on moving to Savannah, we had begun looking for a local church before Jon left. We found one we really love, but I'm not sure the schedule will work with the Post Chapel. There was one other we were quite interested in, so I gave it a chance.

I could go on and on about my experience. The music was great, the style I enjoyed. However, no one said hi to me. Not one person. And it was only about a church of 50 or so, so it's not like I blended in...

I had Sophie with me, as I usually do in church. If she gets fussy (that's a big IF- I have a very well-mannered little girl), I am prompt to take her out- either to the nursery or to the foyer.

Until today.

I was told I HAD to leave her in the nursery. No option. A man came up to me after the music, and said (no "Hello! Glad you could join us!") - simply- "Ma'am, we have a nursery." Despite his stern tone, I smiled and said, "Oh, I know- she'll need to eat soon so I'll take her back then." The pastor was getting up to preach, so I turned back toward the front of the auditorium. "Ma'am, she needs to be in there before the teaching begins."

I was appalled.

She needed to eat, and I was in shock, so I didn't say anything (well, other than an "uuuuh....okkkkk..." muttered under my breath...) . I quickly grabbed our things and went back to the nursery. No. "Went" is the wrong word. Try more "was escorted by two men."

I felt like I was wearing a big scarlet "M" for "Mother" on my chest.

I was led into the nursery, where the two workers barely acknowledged my existence. Quite literally. They didn't even look at me until I had been in there probably 2 or 3 minutes, and even then, they said "hi" and went back to their conversation.

When Sophie was done eating, I had a quandary... I sat there contemplating it while they chatted. Finally, having convinced myself there is one renegade deacon whose life purpose it is to rid the auditorium of minors, I said, "Um... I prefer to keep her with me, but I was, uh, 'strongly encouraged' to bring her back here..."

They informed me in no uncertain terms that I was not to bring my child into the auditorium.

So, with 40 minutes left to the service, I left.

I understand nurseries- but I do not leave my daughter with people I just met. I don't know the church's child care policy, if they do background checks, what training the workers have- and I'm not about to leave my daughter with someone I'm not confident in (though I'm sure these women were great- it wasn't personal).

So, my options were to stay in the nursery and continue to be ignored, or leave.

When I got back out to the car, I cried.

I second-guessed my decision- maybe I should have just gone back into the service with her- they could deal with it. But honestly, at that point I had no desire to be in that building.

I still am in utter disbelief that that happened. Seriously? They told me, a first-time visitor, what I can and cannot do with my child? I mean, I have mixed feelings about kids in the church service- I believe strongly in both age-appropriate teaching AND in teaching kids how to sit quietly in church and the liturgy of my tradition. Either way, that is OUR decision as parents- not yours as someone I've never met. (I do wonder how the situation might have gone down differently had Jon been standing next to me...) Does this church really value family so little that they make visitors feel unwelcome to make sure kids don't disrupt their perfect little service?

I understand some kids are distracting in church. I really do. That's why I take mine out when she just starts getting fidgety and before she ever cries. But again, that decision is up to me.

Suffice it to say I'm not going back.

Per Aunt Amy's request...

You know, her hair looks redder in pictures than it does in real life... maybe that's a sign for the future! :-)

I'll have to scan some of Jon's baby pics sometime so you all can see how much they look alike- she is definitely her daddy's girl!

On this, our third...

It has been a great three years.

Well, to be honest, the first year, not so much.

The last two, the best of my life.

Three years ago, I barely knew my husband.

Today, he is my best friend.



I have a friend (are you allowed to say that about someone you've never met?) who celebrates their anniversary as the "family birthday"- it gives you something to celebrate even when your spouse isn't around. The holiday isn't so much for the couple exclusively as it is a way to commemorate the birth of their new family. I think we're going to start doing that. Unfortunately, Sophie isn't much into parties at this stage in life... I think we'll just celebrate tonight by getting a double-chocolate cake from Ruby Tuesday and bringing it home to eat while watching The Office.

Chocolate cake and The Office are fun.

It would be much more fun if Jon were here.

Our first anniversary we were apart, but he was to come home a few weeks after it.

Last year we were together.

We are now apart again.

I remember at the CHOBC (Chaplain School) Spouses' Seminar, the school's commandant's wife was talking about how they spent about half their anniversaries together. At the time, I don't think I believed her- well, I didn't believe that would happen to ME, anyway. Of course, I was mere days away from my wedding at that point, and truth be told, was probably living in some distorted dream-world.

I have a friend who has spent exactly 0 of 13 anniversaries with her husband.

I can't complain.

Jon & I were talking yesterday about how, three years ago yesterday, our families met for the first time. Jon's dad, my parents, Jon, & I met for lunch. I had never met his dad, and he had only met my parents once. Our family really went out on a limb in trusting us through all that. I'm sure most people thought we were making a bad decision, and they just loved us through it. Thank you. Sometimes Jon & I look back at that day, shake our heads, and laugh. What else can you do? Beth & I watched parts of my wedding video last week (not the ceremony itself- we had people record messages to us in a separate room). It reminded me of the awkward moments of that day... oh, to be a fly on the wall in some of those car rides home... wait, never mind- I don't think I want to know...

We now have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful marriage.

Every year is better and better.

I love you, Jonathan. I love you, I love you, I love you...

My week... and a half...

You may have noticed I've been missing- I had a good friend in town last week and was too busy to blog! Here is part of what has happened since my last post...

~ 1st Brigade came home!!! Beth and I went to 3 welcome home ceremonies (they arrived on 14 different flights). What an exciting thing to be a part of! It is held at a parade field. You can just feel the excitement, suspense, anxiousness, and joy in the air! People start gathering about an hour before the anticipated arrival, and there are several short videos showing on a huge screen (you know, entertaining things like Army Safety and 5 Years of War...) The soldiers fly in to Hunter Army Airfield (about an hour from here- this is actually where Jon is stationed out of now) then are bussed over to Ft. Stewart. The announcer periodically announces how far away they are, followed by cheering. (well, except for the time that he announced "They're 30 minutes away!" 10 minutes AFTER announcing "They're 25 minutes away!")

When the busses come through the back gate, the announcer tells everyone to stand up and look to the right... and just about then, you can see several big white busses coming down the road! There is much cheering, clapping, and waving while they go by.

The next 5 minutes seem to take FOREVER- and I wasn't even waiting for my husband! The soldiers pile off the busses, get in formation, and FINALLY walk through a line of trees! There is a short ceremony (the National Anthem plays, the Garrison Commander talks for like a minute- literally- then we all sing the 3ID song and the Army song)- then, the GC says, "Audience- go congratulate your soldier!" or some such thing- I think once it was "greet your soldier" and once it was "attack your soldier"...

At that point, the crowd rushes out to the field. It was interesting for Beth and I to stay in the stands at that point, and just observe. Dads who were meeting their babies for the first time. Others who said good-bye to newborns and are coming home to toddlers (15 months is a long time...) Some wives literally ran and jumped into their husbands' arms, while others just stared at each other from a few feet away before embracing. It was quite moving.

~ Having Beth here was WONDERFUL! We met in the beginning of 6th grade- we were both in Student Leadership Council and met in the hall on the way to the first meeting. We have been friends ever since. It's funny to think that I have been friends with Beth for well over half my life. I'll admit, I was afraid having her come for a whole week that we would run out of things to talk about or get on each others' nerves... but neither happened. I'm trying to get her to fly down in June and drive back up with me... or marry a soldier... maybe both...

~ I went to our Hunter Spouses Club luncheon on Tuesday, and met several new people. One is Jon's roommate's wife- it was really great to meet her. Another is a new wife- been married 8 months, is expecting in 6 weeks, and her husband deployed last Saturday. I am so glad that she came out to the luncheon- as I've said before, the best way to meet people is to get yourself out there! It is so easy to be miserable and have a pity-party... the best way to combat that is to enjoy the good things about the Army.

~ Sophie started giggling! She doesn't do it really often- every couple days or so- but it is GREAT! She seems to laugh the most either while or right after eating... I think she takes after me in that... I love this picture- "What are you talking about? I'm not eating my hands..."

~ The house has been showing about twice a week... now we just need someone to want to buy it! :-)

~ Classes are going well. After I got over syllabus shock, I don't think it will be too bad. Midterms are next week already... gotta love 8 week terms...

~ I took over keeping track of our Chaplains' Spouses Roster- the lady who was doing it is PCSing. Not a huge task, but it will be great because I can get to know the new ladies as soon as they move in, hopefully getting them plugged in to the group. I look forward to that.

For now, I am working on trying to not feel like an 8th grader as I work on my science vocab terms...

Deployment in the eyes of a 4-year-old

This was drawn by my nephew, Jacob, without any prompting at all. The other side of the paper (which bled through to this side a little) is a picture of Jon with his guitar- if you can't tell, this is me sitting at a table with an empty chair. How perceptive!

Not to rub it in...

but I just looked at our thermostat.

It is 74 degrees in my house.

At 10:45 at night.

The heat hasn't kicked on in days.

Enjoy your snow! :-)

(Just don't talk to me come fall, when our "crisp" weather is 80...)

Special Olympics

I volunteered at the Special Olympics today- it was so much fun!

My "buddy's" name was Anthony. Because he uses both a walker and a stroller, my new friend Amy and I were both his buddies!

Anthony got 2nd place in his heat in the tennis ball throw- which he LOVED- though he wasn't a big fan of the 25m walk. I think he was just happy it was over! He kept saying, "Race over!"

I would encourage you to find out when your local Special Olympics are and sign up! You don't need any special training or anything- just show up with a smiling face! You won't regret it!

Pssst...

Did you hear? My husband broke the silence and blogged again!

My View on the Chaplaincy

Last week, this question was posed via an anonymous comment on Laura's blog:

Hi, there, My husband is currently a pastor and has been looking into the military chaplaincy. My question is, how did you and your spouse, and others on this blog, decide to go this path? We have thoroughly enjoyed the pastorate, yet, at the same time, been deeply hurt as well. My husband always has been interested in the military chaplaincy, yet, at the same time, I am wondering if we are just running away from something because it is so stressful or is God leading us this way. I hope this makes sense. This is just a very difficult time for us right now.

First of all, you can read our story of how we ended up in the Army here.

When I met Jon, he was already in the chaplaincy, so that wasn't a decision we made together. However, the decision to transition from National Guard to Active Duty was. Before he joined the Army, he taught Bible at a Christian school and I was a church secretary. I love the chaplaincy & the ministry that it is- and to be honest, Jon & I have a different perspective on it than many people I've met. Here are some of my thoughts...

Pastors go through times of hurt, times of questioning, times of grief. Jonathan and I are both pastors' kids and have also been involved in church settings on our own- this is not a new idea to us. However, if you're looking to the chaplaincy to get away from problems- be they personal OR interpersonal, I would ask you to seriously consider your motives. Jon and I have noted about a few guys we have met- "Hurt pastors make hurt chaplains." The Chaplaincy is different from the pastorate- but that doesn't mean it's easier- or harder- just different. People are people, regardless of where you are.

I don't know what your situation is at all; you have probably been trying to make it work at this church, and it just isn't. You possibly are considering leaving the ministry because of hurts it has caused, but you just love the Lord and people way too much to do that. The chaplaincy seems like a way to stay in the ministry but get out of the church. (I could be completely off...)

Now, mind you, please don't get the impression that I think making a life change when you're unhappy is wrong- quite the opposite! I fully believe in our free will, and I also don't believe God has called us to be miserable! If you're unhappy with your life and can reasonably change it, by all means, do! Trying to reconcile is the first option- if that doesn't work, staying in a mentally, emotionally, and spiritually abusive church (I think that corollary can be drawn) isn't healthy- for anyone.

I suppose, what I'm saying is that, before entering the chaplaincy, make sure you do your research and KNOW what you're getting yourself into. I think that's the way to keep from getting hurt- having realistic expectations. The worst possible thing you can do is enter it without doing your research. (To be honest, probably the day I hated the Army the most was when I realized what exactly the current deployment tempo is- when we first got engaged/ entered the Army- happened near the same time- I thought a 20 year career might entail about 3 years gone- one year gone, 6 or 7 at home... man, was I wrong!!)

Here's a start- the chaplaincy is NOT the pastorate. The chaplain's job is not to be a pastor- or a missionary- it is to provide religious support. This will mean working with people who are not Christians- and working with other Chaplains who are not Christians, or who are Christians but have different beliefs. It means vocalizing your personal beliefs when it is appropriate, as an individual- and knowing when it's not appropriate. That means that if one of your soldiers wants a Koran, you get one for him. The Army doesn't pay pastors and missionaries. The Army pays for religious and ethical support.

There are a lot of pastoral functions of the chaplaincy, specifically in the context of the chapel ministry itself and in counseling. Those are the areas that you and I would consider the best "ministry"- and what great opportunities they are! This is where, as a wife, you can have a big impact.

On that note, I would add that you sometimes have to seek out these opportunities. In the pastorate, as soon as you get to a church, everyone knows you as the pastor's wife. That brings with it a connotation all on its own, and you will probably fall into activities. That's not how it is in the chaplaincy. Many chaplains' wives aren't involved- it's not expected. So, you have to make yourself known. I have had wonderful opportunities- I directed Kids Church, was PWOC President & Vice President, have counseled with various young wives, have assisted my husband in planning events for his unit, have been involved with my FRG (and am getting involved in the new one), and recently joined our spouses club. There are a wide variety of opportunities- you just have to get yourself out there! There are many things on post I'm not a part of- the ones I listed are the areas I have chosen to invest in. If you wait for an invitation- it may come, or it may not.

Also, the Army is a very unique venture- and will impact your marriage profoundly. Jon and I have spent our entire marriage in the Army- but in speaking with other wives, there are many adjustments to be made. You will spend quite literally YEARS away from each other. There is no way to be adequately prepared for such a thing, but you need to be ready for your marriage to undergo that stress- specifically in the chaplaincy. As the chaplain, my husband hears all sorts of horrible marital problems from soldiers; you have probably dealt with that to some extent in the pastorate, but it happening while he's on the other side of the world is difficult. As a wife, you need to accept that there will be times you will run the house by yourself, that life goes on whether he's here or not.

I also must make a note here about the "call" of God. What is a call, what does it look and sound like? I have no idea. Here's what I would ask- What are your gifts? What are your desires? Where is your heart? That's probably where God has called you. I don't personally believe He calls most of us to a specific place- rather, we have His word to guide us. James does tell us that if we ask for wisdom, God will grant it, so I suppose that might be considered a call. I spent many years of my life trying to "figure out" the will of God- that one perfect will He had for my life. You know what His will is for my life- and yours? To follow Him through our actions. To love Him and others through Him. You can do that as a pastor, a chaplain, or a mechanic. If it works for you and your family, and you consider it to be wise after praying about it, I don't think it's a matter of a "right" or "wrong" place for you to be. Trying to figure out what is "right" will probably leave you doubting.

I certainly don't mean to discourage you- I hope you don't take it that way. I just know the disappointment and heartache that can come from being unaware of what this life will be like. The Army life isn't for everyone- but if it is for you- it's great! I think that, as long as you come in prepared and seek to serve God in this setting, you can have a great life and ministry!

3 Things

1. Tonight I went to an installation-wide volunteer reception. It was ok, nothing too exciting. Well, until the end when we all lit our Christmas Eve-ish candles while they played some cheesy secular country "Thank You for Giving to the Lord." That part made me laugh. Several friends were there, though, so that made it worth the time!

2. I registered for my next session of classes. Ugh. Western Philosophy, cool. Environmental Science, not cool. I haven't been in a science class since 10th grade biology, which I slept through. There is a reason I'm a sociology major. I figure this is the most applicable science, so hopefully it will be tolerable at least. The syllabus points to much more work than should be in a 100-level course. At the end of this term in May, I will have 78 credits, only 52 to go. Yeah, only.

3. One of our brigades is coming home in the next couple weeks! Many of my friends have husbands in this brigade, and a couple are FRG leaders- everyone is all abuzz with reunion plans! I love listening to them talk about all the stuff they're doing- of course, they're totally stressed & busy, but it's great to watch!! :-) I'm just waiting for that railroad behind our house to start carrying fighting vehicles back to post!!

Today is a holiday!

And not just Easter...

It's ONE DOWN, FIVE TO GO Day!!

If you followed our first deployment journey, you may remember that I celebrated the 15th of each month as marking another month down. I did something different every time, but it always was an event!

This time, it's the 23rd. And, hopefully, it's actually a little less than 5 to go right now... but we all know how timelines can change!

Since it was Easter, we just doubled up on our holiday celebrations! After church I went out to lunch with some friends. I came home and chatted with Jon, watched Army Wives, and am now watching War Stories on Fox News. Tonight's episode centers on the 3rd Infantry Division, which is who Jon is with. I also, incidentally, watched Iraq for Sale today- very interesting perspective- I'd definitely recommend it.

To be honest, I almost feel like I shouldn't make a big deal out of each month. I mean, 1 Down, Less Than 5 To Go? Seems barely worth mentioning. I mean, Jon's brigade has been in country since LAST MAY. 6 months is so small. Of course, Marines and Sailors do 6 month rotations all the time! It's all relative, I suppose...

Anyway... I shall still celebrate- so, Happy 1 Down Day!!!!

Happy Easter from Sophie!

Clean House

Yesterday, I had some time on my hands.

I could clean the house, I thought, or do the taxes... Hm... Well, I've been putting off the taxes, so I should do those now, and clean the house tomorrow.

When my realtor called at 8:15 this morning, I realized I had made the wrong decision.

That led to a stressful morning, and gave me motivation to keep it clean and clutter-free.

But, I was back home, house already shown, by 10:15, got an unexpected call from Jon, and can now enjoy my day!


In other news, Sophie is doing great. She LOVES her play gym, and talks to and bats at her "friends" hanging above her head. Sometimes I'll be in another room, and I can here the rattles shaking and Sophie blabbing on! During tummy time, she has been content to just lay there (licking her hand...)- until yesterday! All of the sudden she started lifting her head and looking around! I am so proud of her!

Maundy Thursday

I went to a Maundy Thursday service tonight.

Do you not know what that is, though you vaguely remember hearing of it?

Me too.

So, I went. Of course, I had wikipedied it, hoping to learn more.

What I gather is that many traditions celebrate it similarly to Good Friday. It commemorates the Last Supper and Jesus' experience at Gethsemane. Oftentimes, I read, foot washing is a part of the service, though it wasn't at ours tonight.

You know, I don't think I had even been to a Good Friday service until a few years ago. Maybe once growing up, I don't remember. I will say that I think celebrating Easter is so much more meaningful after recognizing Good Friday (or Maundy Thursday). Something about hailing a resurrection without reflecting on the solemness of his death just doesn't seem right... I think we sometimes brush over what actually happened between the joyous Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday. One week we're singing Hosanna!, and the next, He's Alive!!... and, ohbytheway, he died a couple days ago...

One thing I have really appreciated about the chapel community is the ability to experience other traditions. The variety of ways of administering communion alone is amazing! Never before have I gone to a Maundy Thursday service, and I enjoy being exposed to such things.

Even elements like reciting The Lord's Prayer or The Apostle's Creed as a community seem so refreshing to me. I suppose that whatever is unlike what you grew up with seems fresh; I'm sure that it does become rote and dull. I would argue that the liturgy of any church can become rote- even if that liturgy is more "contemporary." Don't get me wrong, I love the contemporary service style (though, I have found, many claiming to be "contemporary" haven't changed a thing in the past 10 or 15 years since they first began...). At the same time, things such as communal recitations, the singing of the doxology, and the observance of the liturgical calendar are quite meaningful to me. I'll admit to even having a fondness for ministerial vestments.

Of course, general protestant services present their own set of challenges, but I'll address that another time... I will also add that I have had experiences that I have appreciated, but not particularly enjoyed. Or, I might enjoy it once, but wouldn't want it every week. It's still nice to expand my horizons a little.

Tonight I shall leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns- it was actually sung at our wedding. It is a Welsh song, from the revival that took place in Wales a century ago. Heaven's peace and perfect justice kissed a guilty world in love...

Here is love vast as the ocean
Loving kindness as the flood
When the Prince of life, our ransom
Shed for us His precious blood
Who His love will not remember?
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten
Throughout Heaven's eternal days

On the Mount of Crucifixion
Fountains opened, deep and wide
Through the floodgates of God's mercy
Flowed a vast and gracious tide
Grace and love, like mighty rivers
Poured incessant from above
And Heaven's peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love

Let us all Thy love accepting
Love Thee ever, all our days
Let us seek Thy Kingdom only
And our lives be to Thy praise
Thou alone shalt be our glory
Nothing in the world we see
Thou hast cleansed and sanctified us
Thou Thyself has set us free...

You know you're an Army brat when...

This morning at church (one of the on-post chapel services), Chaplain Clark was giving the Kids' Sermon. To illustrate his point, he had various hats and was asking the kids what each of them was for.

As he held up a beret, one girl exclaimed, "That's what you wear when you go to work!"

Friends!!

Sophie and Layla... mere seconds before Layla thought it would be a great idea to attempt to use Sophie as a jungle gym...

Army Wives

I have a confession to make.

My name is Sara, and I like Army Wives.

Ok, so it's not entirely realistic. There are things- many things- that are not the way they really are. I suppose it would be akin to a doctor watching Grey's Anatomy or a lawyer watching... well, pretty much any other show on TV.

Season 2 won't be out for a while yet, but they're replaying Season 1, starting this past Sunday night. There I sat, with a half gallon of Chocolate Cream Pie ice cream, watching the pilot episode.

The show is full of cliches: The PFC who married the bartender he had known for 4 days. The girl-next-door mom of 2 kids who has a struggling marriage. The Major's wife who is abused by her teenage son. The Colonel's wife who has a great heart and seems pretty much perfect. The professional man whose wife is a Lieutenant Colonel- again, struggling marriage (did I mention they're also the token black couple?).

And those are just the main characters. Throw in several extra-marital affairs, the snobby General's wife, and all the obvious plotlines (PTSD, combat casualty, sudden deployment, etc), and you've got yourself a show.

I suppose that, on some level, I relate with all four of the female main characters in various ways, and that's what makes the show appealing. Nope, it's not true to Army life... but in all those cliches are experiences that are common among Army spouses.

You know, I have to tell you, I do love this. I watched my friend Brandy's daughter tonight, and when she came to pick her up, we sat here and talked for 2 hours. I know that good friends aren't unique to the Army... but the camaraderie is just on a different level. My sister-in-law Amy shared with me when she came to visit that she could just feel a different aura in the air around here- and it's true. Sadly, I watched Layla tonight so Brandy could go be with another friend of hers, who lost her husband this week to a suicide bomber- one of the five you probably read about. In this world, such things are not just headlines. In this world, they affect lives. And in this world, some things matter more... and some things matter less... and figuring out the difference isn't quite as hard...

More pictures...

These are some GREAT pictures of Sophie! The first ones are from a couple weeks ago in Jacksonville, and the others are from January when Josh & Amy came down.

Thanks, Aunt Amy!

Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen

It's over.

The War has ended.

Silence... "the sound of peace"...

in Korea.

I should explain. I watched the series finale of M*A*S*H tonight, for the first time. I vaguely remember the series when I was a kid (in syndication, of course)- it always seemed dull to me. Until these past couple years, that is.

You know, it is amazing watching a show about the Army from this perspective, set in the early 50s, written in the 70s and early 80s. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

There are aspects to the show that put what we go through in perspective- like the time that Charles had a week's worth of newspapers, and they were a hot commodity- most soldiers today have news at their fingertips. And when I think DFAS (the Army pay system) is bad, well, at least they no longer hand out cash- which could potentially be ingested by a goat..

There are other things that are different- this war, for example, is asymmetrical- there are no clear boundaries. North and South simply don't exist. Today's Army is 100% volunteer- there is no such thing as being called to duty by Uncle Sam entirely against your will (maybe only 97% against your will...) And, if you get caught with alcohol in the desert now, that's reason for severe punishment... let alone if you have your own still...

And yet, some things are the same. Families are missed. Lives are interrupted. Most importantly, soldiers- and civilians- are wounded and killed.

Near the end of the finale, all the characters announce what their lives will entail post-war. I couldn't help but realize how much war changes people- personally, I cannot even fathom what that must be like. I do know that I am married to a man changed by war. This deployment probably won't have the impact on him that the last one did- but still, you can't walk away unchanged.

I felt like I too said good-bye to some dear friends tonight. I regret that Jon wasn't here to watch it with me- it has come to be one of our favorite shows. I know that the reruns will still be on, and I will continue to watch them.

But tonight, I cried. I felt the mixed emotions of saying good-bye to friends, while being overjoyed to return home. I thought of the friends Jon made on his last tour, and how they are still a part of our lives. I wondered about the people we will meet over the next 17 years of this journey...

I know MASH is just a show. I know that for those who served in the Korean War, it was much more tragic, and much less, well, funny. I just wonder how GWOT will be portrayed in 20 or 30 years...

On a rainy morning

What a morning. It's rainy. Thundering, actually. I brought Sophie into bed with me at about 7:30, and we cuddled while we listened to the rain. It was great.

Now we're sitting on the couch, me with my coffee, her sitting next to me, leaning on my shoulder, cute-little-baby-snoring. We're listening to Minnie Driver. Perfect rainy morning music...

We've been doing well. I have managed to stay incredibly busy. I don't think there has been a day yet that I have stayed at home all day. I just may today, though... I really need to get the house ready to go on the market. I was supposed to have coffee with a friend today, but her baby is sick.

Jon is doing really well also. He hit the ground running- he was woken up four hours after he arrived to be with a soldier who had just had a death in the family. He is starting to get integrated into the unit and is enjoying being back with soldiers again.

(By the way, he would love to hear from you! If you don't have his address and would like it, leave me a comment and I'll get it to you.)

The rain is tapering off, for now. Sophie's getting restless. Ok, now crying. Loudly. i think that's my cue...

Out of the loop...

So, to divert my attention from Jon leaving, last weekend I sold out.

Yes.

I joined Facebook.

But, alas and alack, it has been quite fun! I've connected with friends I haven't talked to or seen in years. Some I had forgotten exist.

Anyway- that trip down memory lane has gotten me thinking of my Moody Days, which led to a disconcerting discovery:

WHEN DID DR. J GO TO CORNERSTONE?

WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME?

Seriously, folks. Our beloved Dr. Joseph M. Stowell the Third (referred to by loving students as Dr. J) has gone to Cornerstone University as THEIR president. I feel betrayed.

I knew he left a couple years after I did to pastor at Harvest Bible Chapel, where his son ministers. That's cool. I can handle that.

No offense, Cornerstonians (is that what you're called? I made it up)... but Dr. J will always be a Moody fixture.

On that note, how the heck does Michael Easley have his own Wikipedia article, and the highly revered Stowell doesn't? It's an outrage.

ETA: Ok, so I Googled it, and it only happened a month ago. Still...

A sad day.

Have you ever had old peanut butter?

One time I was at someone else's house, and they didn't frequently eat it. The result was a partially eaten jar in their cupboard that was so old it literally tasted like peanut SHELLS.

I had the same experience today- but, sadly, with Girl Scout cookies.

Yes, friends, our beloved Tagalongs (aka Peanut Butter Patties) have changed. A quick google search confirmed my suspicions... the recipe has changed.

But why, might you ask, would they do something outrageous like that?

Well, they gave in... they sacrificed taste on the altar of the trans-fat-free lifestyle.

Really, Girl Scouts?

They're COOKIES!

They're SUPPOSED to be bad for you!

Arg. That's the last time I'll buy them... I think I'll stick with Reese's cookies from now on...

One more...

Here's another one, courtesy of Aunt Amy.

Saturday morning!!

If you frequent our family site, you have probably noticed that it has been a few weeks since it was updated... long story short, in the process of me getting Jon's old computer and him getting a new one, mine (his old one) lost the ability to publish to that website. It actually lost the ability to run iPhoto and do anything else at the same time. (I know- I too thought that Macs intuitively knew everything you wanted to do and made it happen...) Anyway- we got the problem solved, but now I will have to completely rebuild that site... I'll let you know when that happens, but don't hold your breath...

In the meantime, here are a few more pictures to give you your Sophie fix! (doesn't EVERYONE need one???)

Crayon Box

An assortment of non-consequential thoughts of varied colors...



First and foremost, Sophie started smiling!!!





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I've gotten to video call with Jon three times and talk with him on the phone once since he left. Everyone join in... "Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But I STILL love technology... Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above... always and forever, always and forever..."

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Here is our Super Bowl feast... neither of us enjoying the sport, the Super Bowl is pretty much an excuse to eat party food! We had chips & cheese with guacamole & salsa, crackers with spinach/artichoke dip, wings (Jon grilled them), and root beer floats. All for the two of us. Suffice it to say we didn't feel great the next day...

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Jon's sister Emily had a baby 6 weeks after I had Sophie, but since Alice was bigger when she was born, they're about the same size. When I'm up this summer we're going to get matching outfits for the girls for a photo shoot... gotta love cousins! :-)

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I had a bad experience with a USPS employee on the phone yesterday while ordering my military kit. Two days after my husband deploys is NOT a great time to lecture me about how important my USPS customer ID# is and make me feel like an idiot for not keeping track of it since I last used it 3 years ago... (btw- why in the world can you not order these online???)

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Last week Jon & I went shooting. Ok, so I'm no marksman, but I was pretty impressed with myself. Jon was just impressed that I didn't cry this time.

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Jon was awarded the Bronze Star a few weeks ago! Long story short, he was supposed to have gotten it at the end of his first tour, but the paperwork for it (in typical Army fashion...) was lost. It finally came through! He got it for a period of about 10 days when his unit suffered 11 KIAs. That's really when he proved himself to his soldiers- he went way above and beyond what would be expected of a chaplain, including helping with the recovery effort. He also was awarded the Meritorious Serviceman's Medal as well as an Army Commendation Medal.

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Are Oreos made with more cream filling nowadays? I bought some Springtime Oreos and was disappointed with the cream-to-cookie ratio... some of us like the cookie the best!!

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He's gone.

Jon left for Iraq yesterday.

Last time, there was a big farewell ceremony, with the whole brigade (several thousand soldiers) in formation on the parade field.

Yesterday, there were less than 10. We all met at a small parking lot, they lined up all their gear, and we sat... for three hours...

Jon & I were actually able to stay in good spirits and had a rather enjoyable morning. Then, a bus pulled up. He walked me to the car, and we said goodbye.

Honestly, I felt relieved. I had been dreading that moment since we found out 6 weeks ago that he would be deploying. Of course, I went home and saw Sophie (she stayed with a friend), and I instantly had an incredibly empty feeling... Jon is such a great dad, and I have so much enjoyed having him home with Soph and me...

My sister-in-law, Amy, is in Jacksonville for a Young Survivor's Coalition conference this weekend, so Sophie and I came down to hang out with her. It really put some things in perspective for me last night, as we walked through the conference area. There are several hundred women here, all survivors of breast cancer- and under 40 years old. It reminded me that, while this season in my life is a struggle, I have so much to be grateful for. Our decision to go into the Army was just that- OUR decision. It has its pitfalls- but it was our choice. These women didn't have that luxury. They are having to deal with the life that was given them, to look for the good in the midst of the bad...

So, we're doing alright. These next few months will be hard, but focusing on the good and taking life day by day make is the only way to live- for anyone...

We'll both be journaling this season through our blogs- be sure to check back (sort of) often! :-)

A little perspective...

Millions of American Christians pray in their churches each week, oblivious to the fact that Christians in many parts of the world suffer brutal torture, arrest, imprisonment and even death—their homes and communities laid waste—for no other reason than that they are Christians. The shocking, untold story of our time is that more Christians have died this century simply for being Christians than in the first nineteen centuries after the birth of Christ. They have been persecuted and martyred before an unknowing, indifferent world and a largely silent Christian community.

---Nina Shea, Freedom House (human rights organization), International human rights lawyer (worship.com)

Our PWOC Program was this week (it went well!), and I did speak for just a few minutes on the persecuted church. I'm not sure how many women were affected by it, but even if just one commits to praying for our brothers and sisters in these countries, good was done.

I found this at the website of the Voice of the Martyrs. (I just realized you have to create a free account with them to view this page- but it is worth it!) All the colored countries are those in which Christians fact persecution of some kind. Isn't that amazing!?? So often we take for granted the freedoms we have here in the U.S. Just as the author of Hebrews encouraged in Hebrews 13:3, so we need to be in prayer today.

Bible League also has a REALLY cool program that I found- you can "recycle" your Bible! I don't know about you, but we have several copies of Bibles on our shelves that we haven't cracked in years- if you send it to Bible League, they will actually place it in an English-speaking home overseas!

I would really encourage you to check out these links I have provided, read some stories, and learn more about what is going on in the world- things that somehow are never reported unless an American happens to be involved...

By the way, if you're wondering- yes, I did in fact make a potpourri sachet... wasn't so bad after all...

Ya Gotta Laugh...

Jon and I tried out a new church this past Sunday; unfortunately, the pastor wasn't there, so we decided to go back for prayer meeting.

So we show up- the obvious novelty in this 50-person church. There was an impressive 15 people there for the mid-week meeting- all old enough to be our parents; most, our grandparents. Of course, Sophie needed to eat as soon as the meeting began, and as there is no inconspicuous way to nurse in such a setting, I went to an unused nursery. As I came back in and sat down, Jon noticed Sophie's face looking red and determined...

He looked at me quizzically- "Has she had her blowout yet??"

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than- PPPTTTHHHSSSLLLBBB...

Yep, you guessed it. LOUDLY. In the middle of the pastor taking prayer requests.

(Did I mention that- for the FIRST TIME EVER- I had chosen to put a shirt and pants on Sophie- without a onesie?)

Just then, I felt something warm and looked down- yellow goo was oozing out of the back of Soph's diaper- pooling on my lap...

Jon, helpful father he is, reached into the diaper bag to get me a cloth to keep our daughter's... uh... you know... from getting all over the pew. I quickly sopped it up off my jeans...

That's when I realized- I was using her spare outfit.

(Thankfully, her sweatshirt emerged unharmed, so she could still wear that.)

Sometimes, all you can do is laugh...

Happy Birthday!

Saturday was Jon's birthday. We dropped Sophie off at a friend's and had a date day!

It was GORGEOUS- I think it actually hit 80! There is a section of downtown Savannah called City Market- it's a couple blocks of walking district with restaurants and shops. We ate lunch (baked brie and portabella/ gorgonzola pizza... yum!) on a patio while listening to a live band play classic rock- of course, Jon didn't know most of the songs, but I knew them all!

After getting gelato (Italian ice cream), we went and saw There Will Be Blood- it's about the oil discoveries in the West in the early 20th century. It was a fantastic movie! I'll admit, I wasn't looking forward to it- Jon's birthday, he got to choose... but I really enjoyed it. You know it's a good movie when it gives you conversation fodder for the whole hour drive home!

I did have a few surreal moments- we hung out in City Market with Jon's siblings right before he deployed the first time... it seems we've come full circle...

But, this time, we know (well... sort of...) that he'll be home for his birthday next year! (gotta look at the bright side, right? ;-)

The Stuff of Parenthood

I had an interesting feeling the other day in the waiting room at the hospital.

I was thumbing through a magazine for grandparents- it was actually pretty cool. Its secondary premise was informing new grandparents of all the things that they were told to do back when they were new parents, that now are the mark of a horrible parent. Now, you see, if you put your baby on their stomach to sleep you are probably handing them over to SIDS. Nursing is once again the preferable way to go, according to literature anyway; don't even think about giving your infant water in a bottle; you should feed your baby every time she wants it- banish the thought of a schedule!

It also offered suggestions on how to be a good grandparent.

Which leads me to its primary premise- getting you to buy stuff.

(Did I forget to mention this "magazine" was published by Fisher Price???)

Of course, I was wise to their little scheme. Their blatant and unabashed marketing won't work on me, I thought.

Until I started seeing the pictures of the happy little babies.

And the smart little babies.

You see, they realize that plain old toys don't sell to new moms.

Nope, today's mom has way too much pressure for her child to succeed in every area of life.

Today's mom buys developmental toys.

If you don't have a mobile with bright, contrasting colors, your child won't ever be able to focus- you're dooming him to a lifetime of glasses!!

If your precious little one doesn't have a play gym with things to grab at, he will be behind all his classmates in motor skills!!

If you don't have a hanging crib toy with mirrors and things to look at, he will never be happy enough to go to sleep (didn't you know? stuffed animals in the crib are another death sentence...)- and without the mirrors, he will not know that he controls his environment until way too late!

Then there's the safety aspect- no ordinary infant bathtub will suffice- only the Fisher Price Rainforest one- equipped with the latest in safety equipment- and a padded armrest for Mom!

It worked on me.

For about 10 seconds.

Then I realized that our stuff is ok. Yep, most of it is either from garage sales or given to us- and it's all in great condition. I'm not saying developmental toys are bad or wrong- Sophie has some and will have more. I just maintain that the same end result can be attained through other means. It amazed me how I felt like I needed to have all that stuff to be a good parent. That I was doing my child a disservice by not depending on toys for her development. That the only way to ensure her success would be to follow all the latest research (which, I'm sure, in another two or three decades when I'm a new grandparent will all be wrong again anyway...). It doesn't matter if the mobile on Sophie's swing is of tan teddy bears and not bright red and blue shapes- she'll learn to focus. We read to her. We interact with her. We smile at her and hug her and kiss her. We show her pictures. We expose her to different textures and music. We give her "tummy time"- which she happens to love.

When people would talk about the responsibility of being a parent, I never quite "got it." Now I do. I feel like every decision I make will impact the rest of her life. But you know what? It will all be ok. She'll be a good kid. I'm sure I'll make mistakes- and I'm sure her younger siblings will have a slightly different experience than our little guinea pig.

I do know that I don't want to raise her to be materialistic and always need all the latest and coolest.

I also know that no toy can replace me and the time I spend with her.

That said, I thought I'd share this picture. Without developmental toys, we thought we'd better get a head up on teaching her to read now... (said tongue in cheek, if you didn't catch that...)

Scars

Grief.

That word is so heavy- it carries with it such a somber connotation. As soon as you read it, it probably elicited some inexplicable emotion... for most, it is probably associated with the loss of a loved one. Without trivializing that at all, I'd like to address a different form...

Megan's blog about scars last week prompted me to reflect again on a period Jon and I went through when he was getting ready to come back from Iraq over two years ago. As you know, we barely knew each other when we married and he deployed- it was a bit of a whirlwind relationship. As we were discussing what it would be like to actually live together, we realized that there were things about our pasts that we had not fully "gotten over"...

About that time, I was reading (well... ok... more like skimming to get to the parts that interested me...) a book called Fighting for your Marriage- it is, oddly enough, a part of the Army marriage curriculum. In it there was a chapter on the grief process. The authors maintain that one can- and should- grieve over what is lost by gaining a marriage. That may seem like an oxymoron at first glance... Marriage is great! I would trade it any day over being single! (I hope you can say that anyway... ;-) But really, think about it. Aren't there things about being single you miss? Freedom? Opportunities? Being able to eat Taco Bell whenever you wanted (ok, maybe that was just me...) Maybe it was relationships that you had to release- or relationships that took a different priority. In some ways, spending the first year apart from my husband made that easier- I could ease into "married life" a bit... but at the same time, not having any mutual friends or connections made this incredibly difficult. We had different lives, different histories, different priorities, different friends. I am so thankful that we were able to accept those things in ourselves- and each other. Those were hard, dark days, to be sure. It is one thing to go through it yourself- but to give your spouse room to do the same is difficult.

There were things lain on the altar of our marriage, things that we never cried over. And I'll be honest- I think we would both agree that there were some things we didn't quite want to let go of. Having sorrow for what is lost is not wrong- hanging onto it is. As Megan pointed out, the only way for a wound to heal is to care for it- if ignored, it will only breed infection.

Through the last couple of years, we have both realized that what we lost pales in comparison to what we gained.

We have also built such a trust that enables each of us to have greater freedoms- to regain some things that were lost- but with a different priority.

I think that this could be applied to a lot of areas. Jon and I were talking about this grief process the other day at lunch, and how much giving each other space to feel sad about things lost really allowed us to get beyond some barriers in our relationship. We discussed how we are going through the same thing with Sophia- I love her inexplicably- and yet, I grieve for the loss of freedom to go where I want when I want. I grieve that I have to share Jon with someone else. Heck, I grieve a solid night's sleep!

In Megan's discussion of scars, she pointed out that we should not aim to erase the past from our memories; instead, we should allow them to shape our lives for the glory of God. Hers was in the context of scars from experiences that were out of our control- I submit that the same could be said about the scars that result from our own (even good) decisions- just because what I chose is good, that doesn't mean that what I didn't choose was all bad...

The scars that we carry can come in so many different forms... some wounds are deep, some are surface, but all need to heal... and in allowing that, we can appreciate what is so much more than what was...

Monday already??

What a weekend! We made a whirlwind trip up to Atlanta to see friends- it was so much fun!

We started out at Hudon and Carolene's house for lunch. This is a couple that Jon lived with when he lived in Fayetteville the first time, before he met me. They absolutely fell in love with Jon (how could you not?), and I have enjoyed getting to know them over these past few years as well. Since Carolene couldn't get Jon married off to anyone in her own family, she has "adopted" us- though Sophie has 3 grandparents, 6 great-grandparents, and 1 great-great grandmother still with us, there is always room for a set of adopted grandparents as well! Carolene just couldn't bear to put her down all day- and Sophie seemed to enjoy getting loved on!

Then we went to Rocky and Carolyn's- these are good friends of ours from when we lived there. It was so great to reconnect with them! The last time we made plans to get together, Sophie changed them by deciding to enter the outside world that same weekend...

Sunday morning we went to Fayette Bible Church- I realize more and more how little I matter when I have a baby in my arms! It was great to see not only people from the church, but several of the students as well! (though it was weird that a couple jr. high boys who were shorter than me when we left now tower over me, only a year later...)

After that, we went to Jon's old guard unit for his farewell and awards ceremony. I'll let you read Jon's blog about that (hopefully he'll post tonight...) but suffice it to say it was REALLY cool- I'm so proud of him!!

Sophie must have been so tired from the weekend that she only got up ONCE in the middle of the night! I have been working on spacing out her feedings a little more and getting more scheduled- knock on wood, but I think it may be paying off! I fed her at about 8:45pm, she woke up at about 2:45, then not again until almost 7! For being a wee 7lbs, I don't think I could ask for much more...

Anyway, I'm off to unpack and do laundry! Hope y'all have a great day!

As long as I don't have to wear a bonnet...

Ah. Blissful silence.

Jon is sitting in the rocking chair with Sophie snuggled up under a blanket, both of them fast asleep. I could watch them for hours...

I stayed home from PWOC today- for the first time since I started going last January. The house was a mess, I was exhausted, and we're going out of town this weekend- I knew that if I didn't stay home and get a handle on things today, it would be next week before I had another chance! On that note, since I resigned the presidency of PWOC a week before we found out we're staying here, I took the role of Vice President! When Misty stepped into the president position, we were not able to find anyone willing to be VP who fit the PWOC International qualifications... actually, being the VP is more out of my comfort zone than being the president. My main job is programs- we have them every other month or so. It's basically a themed morning instead of our regular Bible study. Think Mother/Daughter banquet. And, if you know me at all, you know such things are, shall we say, not exactly my forte. I can run a meeting and handle minor conflicts all day long- tell me to plan a craft, speaker, and games (oh, and could you decorate the auditorium while you're at it?)- mmm, not so much. I tend to not be so great at anything best described as for "ladies." (Crafts?? Seriously?) I am, after all, my mother's daughter.

So, it's good for me to be stretched like this, to make something enjoyable for others that isn't my favorite. The theme for the next program (which Misty had already chosen) is "Preparing for His Presence"- it's about Esther. I think I'm going to throw in a short "segment" about women in the persecuted church (it actually fits with the story of Esther quite well...). Jon says that if people don't walk away depressed, I'm not happy. That's not true. I'm all about warm fuzzies- just not being smothered to death by them. I have (since becoming a Fisher) learned to quite enjoy warm fuzzies, as a matter of fact. But at the same time, I think we all need to be careful not to be so inwardly-focused that all we care about is feeling good (and making potpourri sachets. What? Did I say that???)

Family Visits Part 1

My sister Andrea came down for a visit a couple weeks ago! It was really great having her here (and not just because she vaccumed and dusted...). Her "baby" is 5 1/2 now, so she loved having a niece to love on! As you can see, Sophie wasn't quite sure what to think...

Back to Iraq...

Wednesday afternoon, Jon and I were enjoying a leisurely lunch in our front room. He often comes home for lunch, but I hadn't expected it that day- what a welcomed surprise!

Then, it came. I don't even know how he told me, what he said- looking back, I remember the words "home for Christmas" and "bad news" mumbled together with something about August... he looked at me with that "I-have-something-to-tell-you-that-you-won't-like" look.

"I'm deploying in March."

"March 09?" I asked- this was a bit earlier than anticipated, but not much.

"March 08..."

(Possibly February. We'll see.)

I stared at him in shock. And not the good kind of shock that I experienced when he told me we were going to Leonard Wood. But you know- I immediately had peace.

I started crying, and he asked me what I was thinking-

"It's only 6 months," I said. "You're leaving in 2008 AND coming home in 2008? I can handle that!"

Believe me, I'm far from happy about this. I have experienced several waves of emotion over the past few days, and I'm sure they will only grow more intense. But really, right now, it's okay. Most of my friends are going through 15-month deployments right now, and Soph will still only be 8 or 9 months old when he gets back. Plus, he will more than likely be in a much safer place this time than last. How could I complain about that?

There is a battalion whose chaplain had to come home for medical reasons, so Jon is replacing him- hence the abbreviated tour. Jon excels at battalion ministry (well, he excels at most things he does, but he misses being in a battalion), and we are both excited about the opportunities this will bring.

People have asked if this is "for real"- the Army has changed its mind regarding Jon so much that y'all are learning not to trust it! :-) In my experience, Uncle Sam will retract good news- rarely bad. So, yep, this is pretty "for real."

Please keep us in your prayers as we prepare for this next leg of our journey...

Happy Due Date!

Yesterday was my due date... I couldn't imagine still being pregnant!! I think these last few weeks would have been spent worrying and contemplating... but no time for that these days!

Sophie celebrated by getting a bath and giving Dad a big hug!

We published more pics at the family site! Be sure to check out the blog there too!